


Primal Groupchat

by Symphoenae



Series: TDP Groupchat AU [1]
Category: The Dragon Prince (Cartoon)
Genre: Adult Humor, F/M, Gen, God This Is Terrible, The group chat fic I have to make for each fandom, crackfic, no one asked for this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:08:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 13,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22285375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Symphoenae/pseuds/Symphoenae
Summary: PrimalPrince added NoMorals, DumbOfAss, and WalmartBatman to the group chat.another groupchat fic from my dumb ass featuring the four idiots
Relationships: Callum/Rayla (The Dragon Prince)
Series: TDP Groupchat AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1605823
Comments: 82
Kudos: 206





	1. the begin

**Author's Note:**

> No one asked for this. But @ModernRayllum on instagram inspired me. go check out Sarah's twitter AU
> 
> Dark magic doesn't exist in this Modern AU Primal magic does along with elves and dragons but everything else is modern AU because yknow. groupchats

_**PrimalPrince added NoMorals, DumbOfAss, and WalmartBatman to the group chat.** _

DumbOfAss: [Themesong](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-M9AvdmnTs)

PrimalPrince: This is one of the worst ways to start a chat. fuck you soren

DumbOfAss: its what you get for nicknaming me this

NoMorals: sounds about right

PrimalPrince: im being attacked.

DumbOfAss: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHzdsFiBbFc>

NoMorals: POPPED A CAP IN ITS ASS

PrimalPrince: what the fuck is this. soren why do you immediately start shitposting

NoMorals: TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE CRACK SPIDER'S BITCH

PrimalPrince: claudia you murder spiders constantly for your "collection"

NoMorals: rude

NoMorals: Im _preserving_ them

DumbOfAss: callum her room is disgusting

DumbOfAss: full of carcasses

PrimalPrince: thanks! i hate it

NoMorals: :(

NoMorals: callum i thought you loved me

PrimalPrince: as a f r i e n d

NoMorals: well yeah im not about to try and steal you from miss bloodthirsty moonshadow elf

PrimalPrince: maam that bloodthirsty moonshadow elf is gonna pop a cap in your ass in a second if you call her that again

DumbOfAss: more like you will cal

PrimalPrince: i will

PrimalPrince: an astute observation

PrimalPrince: surprising from you

DumbOfASS: i change my mind, clauds, sick em

PrimalPrince: NO

NoMorals: gladly!

NoMorals: so im pulling a callum

PrimalPrince: HUH

NoMorals: only eating trailmix

DumbOfAss: LMAO

PrimalPrince: BITCH FUCK YOU

PrimalPrince: its cashews

DumbOfAss: CASHEWS

PrimalPrince: youre not pulling a me unless its cashews

NoMorals: i mean

NoMorals: i have mixed nuts

PrimalPrince: no

PrimalPrince: cashews only

PrimalPrince: we only take one nut to the mouth here

DumbOfAss: worm?

NoMorals: CALLUM CAN YOU PLEASE REALIZE WHAT THE FUCK YOU JUST SAID

PrimalPrince: did i stutter?

WalmartBatman: oh i love nuts

DumbOfAss: you love one pair of nuts

NoMorals: soren please theyre babies

PrimalPrince: well, i hope you enjoyed living soren

DumbOfAss: I WAS JOKING

WalmartBatman: me killing you is just a prank bro

NoMorals: rip in peace my dumbass brother

PrimalPrince: Ray were you working earlier

WalmartBatman: yeah I just got off and was dragged into this shit

DumbOfAss: i guess if im gonna die im gonna go out shitposting

DumbOfAss: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxvsMJZJcW4>

PrimalPrince: NO FUCKING STOP

NoMorals: SDFGDSGH?????????????

WalmartBatman: ...soren what the fuck is that

WalmartBatman: i love it

WalmartBatman: please send more i will not kill you in return

PrimalPrince: BABE DONT ENCOURAGE HIM PLEASE

NoMorals: oop callum used the b word

NoMorals: never thought id see the day!

PrimalPrince: THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN

NoMorals: youre too bashful for shit like that

WalmartBatman: its cute!

WalmartBatman: but that will not stop me.

WalmartBatman: inject me with memes you himbo

DumbOfAss: on it

DumbOfAss: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlbOEcAcUSI>

PrimalPrince: NO NO NO NO N O

NoMorals: okay now im SCARED

WalmartBatman: bold of you to assume i can be turned gay

DumbOfAss: i mean callum is a girl so

PrimalPrince: FUCK! YOU!

WalmartBatman: well i guess im a lesbian then

DumbOfAss: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihjRwChGEPk>

PrimalPrince: Im going to cry

WalmartBatman: hmm. dont like this one!

NoMorals: im having a stroke im laughing too hard

DumbOfAss: can confirm, i can hear her in the other room

DumbOfAss: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICAfBw4cxEI>

PrimalPrince: CAN WE STOP WITH THE FUCKING MEGALOVANIA

DumbOfAss: i cannot. i am the true sans kin. i must spread my song

PrimalPrince: i am logging off

WalmartBatman: you've murdered my boyfriend soren

NoMorals: im having a connection issue in my brain holy shit

PrimalPrince: well before i go

PrimalPrince: rayla ive made you,,, a playlist,,,,,

NoMorals: omg.

NoMorals: its happening

WalmartBatman: a playlist?

NoMorals: cal makes music playlists for people he really really cares about

NoMorals: he has one for me and sor-bear around somewhere

DumbOfAss: took you long enough man

PrimalPrince: look!

PrimalPrince: ive been a little busy you know

PrimalPrince: making my portfolio for when i start applying to art colleges

DumbOfAss: bro ur like, 15, calm down you dont have to start applying yet

NoMorals: or worrying about it for that matter

PrimalPrince: I like to be prepared

PrimalPrince: anyways here ray

PrimalPrince: <https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLC9wgrXlDI-IiOVcOeuNnyYiWxgZJz_vX>

NoMorals: i hope you know i will be listening to that as well and seeing how accurate it is to rayla

WalmartBatman: i... i dont even know what to say

PrimalPrince: dont worry about it. you dont have to say anything. its fun for me

NoMorals: she's flattered you fucking donkey dont act like you think she hates it

WalmartBatman: i mean yeah, first the sketches and now this

WalmartBatman: you make a lot of things for me cally

PrimalPrince: I,,,, yeah

DumbOfAss: i mean he draws all of us

WalmartBatman: shut the fuck up himbo let us have our moment

DumbOfAss: walks out

NoMorals: callum you fucking mastermind

PrimalPrince: what

NoMorals: dont what me

NoMorals: i fucking see what you did with the order of some of these songs

PrimalPrince: shhhhhhhhhh let rayla experience it

NoMorals: fine

NoMorals: but i see your ass out here still living as if youre taking the dive

PrimalPrince: it was traumatic okay

PrimalPrince: you try jumping off Queen Zubeia's home and probably to your death

DumbOfAss: ugh. dad.

DumbOfAss: i still kinda wish you had let him fall instead of saving him as well.

NoMorals: soren!

PrimalPrince: wasnt me. it was Ibis.

DumbOfAss: also dont soren me clauds

DumbofAss: i know he's our dad but he literally committed terrorism with all of the primal stones he had

DumbOfAss: he literally killed an entire archdragon and blinded another because hes a bitter old bastard

NoMorals: ....i know

NoMorals: but he's still our dad,,, its hard

PrimalPrince: Hey if its any consolation im proud of you both for realizing he was leading you down bad paths. yall are strong

WalmartBatman: I mean. you dont hate me for tackling your dad off the spire. thats amazing enough

NoMorals: girl shit im still mad at you for that but for a different reason

NoMorals: first off you coulda died

NoMorals: but your equally dumb of ass boyfriend coulda died too!!!!!

NoMorals: fuck if i was gonna let that happen i would find a way to literally resurrect you both

PrimalPrince: the fuck was i gonna do clauds

PrimalPrince: i will take infinitely more dives for rayla

WalmartBatman: shameless.

DumbOfAss: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnGtl_tTXnM>

PrimalPrince: soren-

DumbOfAss: listen i just felt like it was getting a little heated in here

DumbOfAss: i dont wanna see my hoes fighting

WalmartBatman: we do need to hang out though

DumbOfAss: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3HIkFWVVXk>

WalmartBatman: aaaaand were back

NoMorals: soren how do you keep finding these different versions of megalovania

DumbOfAss: skill

PrimalPrince: right imma head out

PrimalPrince: ez is bugging me to go get jelly tarts with him again

WalmartBatman: get me one? <3

DumbOfAss: ^

NoMorals: ^

PrimalPrince: .....fine.

PrimalPrince: but you all owe me one

WalmartBatman: thanks cally~!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, blaming Viren for every bad thing despite saying dark magic isnt real in this AU and bullshitting my way around that plothole
> 
> anyways some of this came from my discord server, as will probably a lot of shit for future chapters. So if you join my server, you might find a conversation you were a part of in this fic. lmao.
> 
> DISCORD: https://discord.gg/9y5PTa3  
> (I saw a few people join last time I linked but they left shortly after... Please do note that when joining the server you have to post in the #introductions channel first so I can assign you a proper role and then you'll have access to the main chat~)


	2. hellspawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NoMorals: IM NOT GAY
> 
> WalmartBatman: claudia you are like the the spitting image of a goth lesbian. look it up in the dictionary and theres a picture of you
> 
> NoMorals: this is bullying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why but the night I posted the last chapter my discord server went completely apeshit. Reality just failed. People were jailed for not liking strawberry jam. Sans Undertale is a top. It was complete fucking chaos.
> 
> ...So that means more material for this crackfic. Thanks
> 
> also Ez isnt in the chat because hes 10. Thats all

WalmartBatman: So... wheres cally guys

NoMorals: probably tutoring

WalmartBatman: he

WalmartBatman: he tutors?

NoMorals: tutors in art

WalmartBatman: i. hmm. not sure if that counts but whatever

WalmartBatman: so what youre saying is he wont be around for a bit

NoMorals: what are you planning

WalmartBatman: nothing!

WalmartBatman: I already did it

NoMorals: it?

DumbOfAss: 

NoMorals: omg how the fuck did you do that

DumbOfAss: magic

WalmartBatman: i,,,, may have made cally a playlist in return,,,,,,

NoMorals: FUCK

NoMorals: THATS FUCKING ADORABLE OMG

DumbOfAss: damn we couldve done that for him too were actually bad friends

NoMorals: oh shit true

WalmartBatman: dont be like that you two

WalmartBatman: you know cally is on another level with this stuff

WalmartBatman: even playlist making is an art to him

WalmartBatman: were kinda just. not

NoMorals: okay fair

DumbOfAss: spill the link sis!

WalmartBatman: fucking nosey

WalmartBatman: <https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLC9wgrXlDI-I80pWO2q8IGokYd9CBphTg>

NoMorals: no surprise you gave him a lot of EDEN.

WalmartBatman: leave me alone

DumbOfAss: hey man i see the appeal of that mans songs

NoMorals: god is dead.

NoMorals: i love how theres like 99% serious songs and then just. lyre le temps busts in

WalmartBatman: but it fits

NoMorals: it fits

DumbOfAss: clauds do you still even have the link to your playlist

NoMorals: fuck yeah

NoMorals: <https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLC9wgrXlDI-JQHKbUb8M6UlZ4sx8WFH_R>

WalmartBatman: YOU CANNOT GIVE ME SHIT FOR USING EDEN SONGS WHEN YOU HAVE ONE IN YOUR OWN ASS PLAYLIST

NoMorals: I DIDNT MAKE THIS YOU HEADASS CALLUM DID

DumbOfAss: AViVA first 3 songs lmao ur easy

NoMorals: HELLO??????????

WalmartBatman: wow this playlist has the strongest goth lesbian vibes

WalmartBatman: claudia is there something you havent told us

NoMorals: i???? no??????????????

WalmartBatman: okay stay in the closet

DumbOfAss: WHEEZES

NoMorals: IM NOT GAY

WalmartBatman: claudia you are like the the spitting image of a goth lesbian. look it up in the dictionary and theres a picture of you

NoMorals: this is bullying

DumbOfAss: not bullying if its true!

NoMorals: okay daddy derek

DumbOfAss: i

DumbOfAss: am gonna pretend you didnt make that reference

WalmartBatman: i am fucking! nervous!

NoMorals: why the fuck

NoMorals: rayla do you genuinely think callum is gonna hate it

WalmartBatman: ,,,,i dont know

NoMorals: for gods sake both of you are so goddamn stupid when it comes to each other

WalmartBatman: HEY

DumbOfAss: shes right

WalmartBatman: doesnt mean i wanna be roasted

NoMorals: disaster heteros

WalmartBatman: see you say things like that but expect me to believe you, too, are a hetero

NoMorals: fuck

NoMorals: off

PrimalPrince: what in the name of Zubeia is happening in here

NoMorals: CALLUM!

NoMorals: your disaster gf made you a thing!!!!!!!!!!

WalmartBatman: shut UP

PrimalPrince: oh? should i be worried?

WalmartBatman: no dont listen to them

DumbOfAss: its really sweet!!!!! scroll up

WalmartBatman: thats my cue to leave

WalmrtBatman: goodbye im taking another dive off the spire real quick

NoMorals: RAYLA GET THE FUCK BACK HERE

DumbOfAss: lmao shes fucking gone

DumbOfAss: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhsxqTJz23E>

NoMorals: holy shit that actually scared me

PrimalPrince: okay 2 things

PrimalPrince: first off what even the hell is that soren

PrimalPrince: second I am crying

PrimalPrince: i love everything about this playlist

NoMorals: awe cute

NoMorals: too bad your gf went aight imma head out

PrimalPrince: omg she

PrimalPrince: she does that a lot

PrimalPrince: whenever ray is nervous about something she just like. sets it down on the table and then takes a 2 hour walk

DumbOfAss: wow

NoMorals: god kin wtf

PrimalPrince: she's so adorable god

NoMorals: oh here we go cals about to go on another one of his twitlongers about rayla

DumbOfAss: snorts

PrimalPrince: if i start over-complimenting her in her opinion shell be summoned back she just knows

PrimalPrince: but yeah i have a list of cute things she does

NoMorals: thats disgustingly sweet wow!

PrimalPrince: example one

PrimalPrince: she yawns like a cat

DumbOfAss: the fuck does that mean

PrimalPrince: she sticks her tongue out every time she yawns

NoMorals: BITCH SO DO YOU WHAT

NoMorals: five bucks she learned that from you

PrimalPrince: thats beside the point

PrimalPrince: example two everything about her ears thats it thats the post

DumbOfAss: ok

NoMorals: please do explain oh mighty sky mage in training

PrimalPrince: die

PrimalPrince: but fine

PrimalPrince: her ears perk and droop depending on her mood its just fucking adorable ok

NoMorals: okay ngl that does sound cute

DumbOfAss: claudias lesbian tendencies shining through

NoMorals: IM NOT FUCKING GAY

PrimalPrince: ...did i miss something

DumbOfAss: only claudia denying her sexuality

PrimalPrince: i believe it

NoMorals: fuck the both of you

DumbOfAss: hey cal do you have the link to my playlist btw i lost it

PrimalPrince: i actually wanna redo yours so give me a day or two

DumbOfAss: fair enough

NoMorals: im not fucking gay

PrimalPrince: sure i believe you

DumbOfAss: 

PrimalPrince: WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT

NoMorals: HOW ARE YOU FUCKING SENDING IMAGES SOREN

DumbOfAss: a true magician never reveals his secrets

PrimalPrince: """"""magician""""""

WalmartBatman: h

NoMorals: oh look who's back

PrimalPrince: RAYLA

PrimalPrince: i love it thank you

WalmartBatman: no,,,, problem,,,,,,,,,

WalmartBatman: I just spent like 10 minutes having a heart attack about it lmao poses

DumbOfAss: Callum anytime anything slightly bad is affecting Rayla

DumbOfAss: 

PrimalPrince: WHO GAVE YOU P E R M I S S I O N

NoMorals: G U N

WalmartBatman: saving that

PrimalPrince: why do you EVEN have that picture of me

DumbOfAss: rayla was gushing over how cute you looked in it awhile back

WalmartBatman: suddenly i feel the need to murder

DumbOfAss: YOU TWO ARE LITERALLY DATING THIS DIDNT NEED TO BE A SECRET

PrimalPrince: aw ray you think im cute?

WalmartBatman: to reiterate

WalmartBatman: we are literally dating

PrimalPrince: still

NoMorals: watching you two flirt is painful please get a room

WalmartBatman: get a girlfriend first

NoMorals: omfg im not

NoMorals: i, claudia, have no issues with people that do not have the straight sexuality, but i in myself, am not a gay

WalmartBatman: a gay

PrimalPrince: a gay

DumbOfAss: a gay

NoMorals: gun to the face

PrimalPrince: to be fair im like 99% sure my aunt is in lesbians with a sunfire elf so

WalmartBatman: oh spicy

DumbOfAss: your aunt scares me

PrimalPrince: thats cause she kicked your ass in sparring

DumbOfAss: i will neither confirm nor deny

DumbOfAss: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ph9UFblwL5s>

NoMorals: soren trying to change the subject

PrimalPrince: im just not going to question the shit soren sends anymore but

PrimalPrince: one,,, hour,,,,,, of dancing roach megalovania,,,,,,

PrimalPrince: can we please have one normal conversation

PrimalPrince: i will beg

WalmartBatman: absolutely not. give me the weird shigt

PrimalPrince: cries

NoMorals: LMAO BRUH CALLUM I SEE YOU OUTSIDE WALKING BACK TO YOUR HOUSE

PrimalPrince: i left school late stupid

WalmartBatman: CALLUM'S HOME?

NoMorals: right im expecting to see a white hot rocketing ball of moonshadow elf yeeting down the block to callum's house

PrimalPrince: :D

DumbOfAss: ill get the popcorn

PrimalPrince: feeling a little clingy today, are we ray?

WalmartBatman: shut your mouth and let me cuddle the shit out of you

PrimalPrince: yes maam

WalmartBatman: ill be there in ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact none of this even came from the discord server this time. I just had a small plan for the playlist plot and then pulled the rest out of my ass
> 
> DISCORD: https://discord.gg/9y5PTa3  
> (Please do note that when joining the server you have to post in the #introductions channel first so I can assign you a proper role and then you'll have access to the main chat~)


	3. why have you done this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NoMorals: me checking out my ass in the mirror after a mental breakdown
> 
> PrimalPrince: WHAT????????????????????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorter one this time but its fine  
> not having a good time trying to focus on stuff today but i wanted to post a chapter today

DumbOfAss: i’ve picked up valuable treasure from another server

DumbOfAss: 

PrimalPrince: absolutely not.

DumbOfAss: this is necessary

PrimalPrince: no

NoMorals: me checking out my ass in the mirror after a mental breakdown

PrimalPrince: WHAT????????????????????

WalmartBatman: wait that was literally me earlier

WalmartBatman: So I was showering and I looked in the mirror at my weird hips because self consciousness is fun but now I cant tell if I have violin hips or I just have a lot of ass muscle that Im constantly tensing

PrimalPrince: rayla what

NoMorals: so whats the hip take sis

WalmartBatman: might be ass muscle

NoMorals: stan that

PrimalPrince: i???? is this a normal thing girls do jesus fuck

NoMorals: yes

WalmartBatman: hanging around you humans has made me pick up the habit

NoMorals: ah yes right

NoMorals: elves are sacred

NoMorals: humans are filthy shitposters that have no dignity

WalmartBatman: so i didnt say that

WalmartBatman: but sure!

DumbOfAss: comeon cal the gals gotta have some typa weird shit

DumbOfAss: now come over and help me pop sausages in the microwave

PrimalPrince: oh no the piglets

NoMorals: THE PIGL---

NoMorals: NOOOOOOOOO

WalmartBatman: awful. absolutely awful

PrimalPrince: thank you

DumbOfAss: dude

DumbOfAss: that was fucked even for me djsjfjf

PrimalPrince: right so we know sorens limit

NoMorals: soren literally sends the most cursed shit but the piglet joke was too much for him

DumbOfAss: look

DumbOfAss: it just reminds me too much of that one video

DumbOfAss: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cR94CIOuAWU>

NoMorals: nO NO NO ITS WORSE

PrimalPrince: holy shit theyre screaming

WalmartBatman: i literally hate that why

PrimalPrince: its so morbid and yet i cannot stop laughing

WalmartBatman: can confirm. im still over at his house.

NoMorals: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU GUYS TALK TO EACH OTHER IN THIS CHAT WHEN YOURE LITERALLY RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER

PrimalPrince: its the principle

DumbOfAss: i felt that

WalmartBatman: why do you and soren talk in here just talk irl loser

NoMorals: ....

NoMorals: okay i get the point

PrimalPrince: lmao roasted

NoMorals: fuck you

NoMorals: rayla can you punch him in the face for me

PrimalPrince: D:

WalmartBatman: i smacked him in the face with a pillow thats all youre getting

NoMorals: good enough

PrimalPrince: im gravely wounded. goodbye world.

PrimalPrince: i am no longer gravely wounded

NoMorals: dare i ask?

WalmartBatman: hes a sap that will change his mind with a little kiss

PrimalPrince: says the hardass moonshadow elf who melts in my arms

WalmartBatman: you

WalmartBatman: ...be quiet

DumbOfAss: wow.

NoMorals: im texting ez so he can record you two and send it to me

PrimalPrince: DO FUCKING NOT

WalmartBatman: we have blankets here on the couch motherfucker cant record us if you cant see us!

NoMorals: that leaves a lot up to my imagination sweetie

WalmartBatman: ...shit

PrimalPrince: why is this chat just bully callum and also maybe rayla squad

NoMorals: because its fun

DumbOfAss: and its easy

PrimalPrince: well update

PrimalPrince: rayla has decided to say fuck this group chat and focus on snuggling me instead

NoMorals: you say it like its a bad thing lmao

PrimalPrince: shut up

DumbOfAss: clauds lets bounce and let the lovebirds focus on themselves

PrimalPrince: wait

NoMorals: aight bye loser

PrimalPrince: christ.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The whole thing about ass muscle is a thing I genuinely said to my girlfriend lmao
> 
> DISCORD: https://discord.gg/9y5PTa3  
> (Please do note that when joining the server you have to post in the #introductions channel first so I can assign you a proper role and then you'll have access to the main chat~)


	4. woo yea groovin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CaptainShaggy: so I found out we can change our nicknames
> 
> PrimalPrince: WHO THE FUCK IS CAPTAINSHAGGY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to the shit squad now with more offsite links  
> Symphoenae.tumblr.com  
> www.instagram.com/chatinette/
> 
> ^ both of my socials are equally awful thanks

CaptainShaggy: so I found out we can change our nicknames

PrimalPrince: WHO THE FUCK IS CAPTAINSHAGGY

CaptainShaggy: zoinks

CaptainShaggy: me

PrimalPrince: you.

CaptainShaggy: me

PrimalPrince: perish.

CaptainShaggy: D:

CaptainShaggy: like......zoinks........

PrimalPrince: shut the die

WalmartBatman: hate to interrupt the drama but

WalmartBatman: "shut the die"

CaptainShaggy: 

PrimalPrince: PUT THAT THING BACK WHERE IT CAME FROM OR SO HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

WalmartBatman: cally pls calm down,,,,

PrimalPrince: hyperventilates

WalmartBatman: don't make me come back over there and sing you to sleep again

NoMorals: WOAH WOAH WO A H

NoMorals: first off soren love that

NoMorals: secondly YOU SING????????????????????????????????????????

WalmartBatman: ah hell.

WalmartBatman: I dont often,,, i personally dont think i sing very well, and its not usually a thing moonshadow elves do...

NoMorals: holy shit you said again.

NoMorals: YOUVE SUNG CALLUM TO SLEEP BEFORE???????????

PrimalPrince: back off clauds this is genuinely a touchy subject

NoMorals: shit really???

PrimalPrince: no i was hoping youd just shut up for once

NoMorals: WOW!

WalmartBatman: lol.

WalmartBatman: dont worry about it but yeah

WalmartBatman: i dont do it a lot like i said its just kinda embarrassing

PrimalPrince: its great!

WalmartBatman: says you

PrimalPrince: :( i wish i could convince you

NoMorals: idk why but im imagining that rayla would sound similar to lisa hannigan

CaptainShaggy: oh fucking christ everyone abandon ship

CaptainShaggy: im saying that cause ive found more cursed shit

PrimalPrince: please for the love of god

CaptainShaggy: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96dSeavNQrQ>

PrimalPrince: i said no

WalmartBatman: several questions

NoMorals: >give me the bread

NoMorals: >four onions

PrimalPrince: this chat laughs at my pleas

PrimalPrince: what if i just want to r e l a x

WalmartBatman: okay im coming back over there youre clearly still on edge

NoMorals: uhhhh am i missing key details

WalmartBatman: callys stressed.

PrimalPrince: probably more than that since anxiety is a fucking bitch but im vibing

WalmartBatman: you are not fucking vibing

NoMorals: :(((((

CaptainShaggy: dude.

CaptainShaggy: wait its friday isnt it

CaptainShaggy: okay bet well be over in a bit

PrimalPrince: wait what the fuck no

PrimalPrince: no big feelings time i dont want it

WalmartBatman: oh its big feelings time buddy.

NoMorals: cal i swear to fuCK you take care of us all the time but as soon as its our turn you cringe into your own torso

PrimalPrince: zubeia help me

CaptainShaggy: BIG FEELINGS PARTY

NoMorals: yeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeye

NoMorals: we can watch tron legacy for the 80th time!

PrimalPrince: good lord

WalmartBatman: idk about you two but im sleeping over

PrimalPrince: HUH??????????????

WalmartBatman: Runaan's off at a work trip and Ethari is easy to bait

CaptainShaggy: amazing japes.

NoMorals: Wow! what a coincidence

NoMorals: cal i know your parents aint home

PrimalPrince: ok stalker

NoMorals: plus living alone sucks dot tm

NoMorals: so we rather crash at your place like, all the time

PrimalPrince: youre lucky my dad even lets this happen.......

WalmartBatman: i genuinely forgot that you straight up live in a house alone because you inherited that shit from your jailed father

NoMorals: ngl that is like the only benefit of that

NoMorals: sorens cooking still sucks

CaptainShaggy: i could literally shove you down the stairs right now

PrimalPrince: so violent

WalmartBatman: im stopping by the store really quick

PrimalPrince: rayla you better not be doing what i think youre doing

WalmartBatman: buying you your favorite ice cream? too late

PrimalPrince: holy shit stop spending money on meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

NoMorals: oh fuck

NoMorals: that reminded me to bring offerings as well

PrimalPrince: s t o p

CaptainShaggy: let us love you callum

PrimalPrince: absolutely the fuck not, captain shaggy

CaptainShaggy: zoinks!

PrimalPrince: if you come into my house and say that fucking word one time im aspiro'ing you into oblivion

NoMorals: sounds fun

CaptainShaggy: how about i bring my laptop and you guys can watch me attempt to beat sans using the bad time simulator

PrimalPrince: see at this point im convinced youre gay for sans since you never shut the fuck up about him but sounds fun to watch you rage

CaptainShaggy: a small price for callum's happiness

PrimalPrince: shuT UP

WalmartBatman: ten bucks cally's getting all hot and bothered by the fact we genuinely care about him

PrimalPrince: good fucking night

NoMorals: its literally 8 pm

PrimalPrince: depression nap

NoMorals: NO

PrimalPrince: I have a playlist for everything guys dont worry

PrimalPrince: i have my chillwave mix playing as i wait for you fuckers to assault me

WalmartBatman: mean.

PrimalPrince: i love you!

WalmartBatman: im suddenly blushing in a goddamn walmart

CaptainShaggy: sounds like a killer song title

WalmartBatman: i really dont see that but ok

NoMorals: holy shit rayla

NoMorals: youre in walmart

NoMorals: and your nickname is walmartbatman

WalmartBatman: shocking! im in the one best place to get food!

NoMorals: spare money for mascara maam?

WalmartBatman: bitch you better pay me back if i buy that for you

NoMorals: word

WalmartBatman: is that a yes

NoMorals: you have my word

WalmartBatman: awful joke fuck you

PrimalPrince: dawn of the final day

PrimalPrince: twO SECONDS REMAIN FUCK

WalmartBatman: im assuming theyre here

CaptainShaggy: WERE H E R E

NoMorals: we brought EXTRA BLANKETS

PrimalPrince: said extra blankets were yeeted at my face as i feared for my life

WalmartBatman: you guys never fail to make me laugh, ill give you that.

WalmartBatman: ill be there soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> callum has anxiety okay dont even  
> also I lowkey wanna write an actual one-shot for what Rayllum happens between chapters 3 and 4 and I really could because fuck it! but idk if people want it
> 
> DISCORD: https://discord.gg/9y5PTa3  
> (Please do note that when joining the server you have to post in the #introductions channel first so I can assign you a proper role and then you'll have access to the main chat~)


	5. truly the worst thing i have had to witness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CaptainShaggy: Time to settle a question that has split empires in half
> 
> NoMorals: im ready
> 
> CaptainShaggy: Was Jesus a top or a bottom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you all know my discord server broke because of the shit thats in this chapter. straight de-fucking-stroyed. Splits empires in half indeed bitch

CaptainShaggy: Time to settle a question that has split empires in half

NoMorals: im ready

CaptainShaggy: Was Jesus a top or a bottom

PrimalPrince: BLOCKED

NoMorals: bottom

PrimalPrince: JESUS WAS SINLESS HE DIDNT FUCK

CaptainShaggy: answer the question cal

NoMorals: HE MIGHT HAVE

PrimalPrince: ANSWER TO THE HAND OF GOD BITCH

WalmartBatman: what the fuck

CaptainShaggy: Are you telling me the man traveled with a procession of men in roman times and he didn't have weekly orgies get the fuck outta here

PrimalPrince: im gonna skin you alive.

NoMorals: ASDFGHJGFD

WalmartBatman: I leave this chat for a few hours and y'all motherfuckers start talking about whether Jesus was a top or a bottom

NoMorals: whats your take

WalmartBatman: ill pass thanks

CaptainShaggy: Sorry ma'am romans were the horniest pepole out there so much that their residual horniness made other pepole gay

PrimalPrince: 

CaptainShaggy: Strike me down and i shall become more powerful than you will ever imagine

PrimalPrince: im jailing this entire fucking chat

WalmartBatman: There is a specific place in hell for those who answered that question

WalmartBatman: ELECTRIC CHAIR

WalmartBatman: YOU THREW HIM IN THE ELECTRIC CHAIR

PrimalPrince: as he deserved

CaptainShaggy: unfortunate

NoMorals: what a wild start to the chat today

PrimalPrince: i literally fuckig hate all of you so much

PrimalPrince: minus rayla because she didnt sin like you two

WalmartBatman: youd still love me even if i sinned

PrimalPrince: dammit.

PrimalPrince: anyways stan me

WalmartBatman: i will!

NoMorals: not sure about that one

CaptainShaggy: you know who I stan thats not allowed

PrimalPrince: :(

WalmartBatman: its okay cally we dont need those losers

WalmartBatman: lets go on a date

WalmartBatman: right now!

CpatainShaggy: so I muted the chat since you want to be disgusting

PrimalPrince: YOU MUTED MY CHAT??

NoMorals: oh boy we're doomed

CaptainShaggy: UNMUTING UNMUTING

PrimalPrince: good

PrimalPrince: I'm the boss bitches

PrimalPrince: without me this friend group would've died before it even started

NoMorals: for a boss you whine a lot

PrimalPrince: exCUSE ME

NoMorals: can I call you the boss baby

PrimalPrince: I AM N O T THE BOSS BABY

PrimalPrince: This is the highest offence I've taken

PrimalPrince: clauds i banish you from ever coming to my house again

NoMorals: WHAT

WalmartBatman: guys can we not fight

CaptainShaggy: what the fuck just happened

WalmartBatman: ngl soren you might wanna like. lock ur doors

WalmartBatman: cally might zap the shit out of claudia

NoMorals: bold of you to assume im home

PrimalPrince: ezran can call pyrrah whenever he wants sis ill fucking find you

NoMorals: ah fuck i forgot about the dragons

NoMorals: and the animal whisperer

PrimalPrince: me phoning zubeia asking for a favor

NoMorals: so today i die

WalmartBatman: cant wait to see pyrrah stalking the neighborhood's skies

CaptainShaggy: can we not kill my sister

PrimalPrince: interesting plea. no

CaptainShaggy: 

PrimalPrince: WHAT YOU TRYNA CHECK ME???????????????????/

PrimalPrince: COMEON THEN LETS FUCKIN GO

NoMorals: so im texting ez

NoMorals: turns out callum is a liar

PrimalPrince: what are you talkin about.

NoMorals: we slept over last night but YOUR BITCHASS DIDNT SLEEP AT ALL

WalmartBatman: EXCUSE ME?

PrimalPrince: oh god you doomed me

PrimalPrince: raylas gonna bust my ass now

WalmartBatman: im fucking. marching. over there. and singing you to FUCKING SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!

PrimalPrince: you wont take me alive you siren

CaptainShaggy: sorry what does this have to go with anything?

NoMorals: callum acting all crackhead is because he hasnt slept like a healthy person

CaptainShaggy: ah. i see.

CaptainShaggy: SADSFDGFHGJ CALLUM IS FUCKING BOLTING FROM HIS HOUSE I SEE HIM OUTSIDE MY WINDOW

CaptainShaggy: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING MAN

PrimalPrince: sleep is for the weak.

PrimalPrince: miss sirenshadow elf isnt taking me alive.

NoMorals: lmao wtf hes delirious

WalmartBatman: CALLUM STAY IN YOUR FUCKING HOUSE

NoMorals: soren wtf are you doing go outside and get him

PrimalPrince: DONT YOU TEST ME ILL BLOW YOUR ASS A W A Y

CaptainShaggy: clauds can you shoot ezran a text telling him to get pyrrah

PrimalPrince: no. no dont you turn the dragons on me.

WalmartBatman: im taking the goddamn shadowpaw dont think you can escape

PrimalPrince: blame soren if he hadnt opened his mouth and asked the jesus question i wouldnt be riled

CaptainShaggy: it was a necessary question

WalmartBatman: for the love of god cally please take care of yourself

WalmartBatman: this is unhealthy

PrimalPrince: suffering art students dont have health

PrimalPrince: i have stats in my brain and creativity is like an 87 while self-care is at 0

NoMorals: nerd

NoMorals: but honestly callum please

WalmartBatman: i will tie you to your bed if i have to.

CaptainShaggy: kinky

WalmartBatman: funny sexual jokes about minors

CaptainShaggy: i

CaptainShaggy: note to self, cannot say anything related to sex

PrimalPrince: dont be a prude

PrimalPrince: my dick for xadia

NoMorals: ADFSFDGCF WHAT???????????

WalmartBatman: absolutely not

CaptainShaggy: lmao okay he really is delirious

CaptainShaggy: callum would never say shit like that

PrimalPrince: new year new me babeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

CaptainShaggy: this man is outside on his own with -6 braincells rn

WalmartBatman: CALLUM WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU

PrimalPrince: freedom

WalmartBatman: BITCH WAIT I SEE YOU COME BACK

PrimalPrince: ive made a mistake

PrimalPrince: oh god

PrimalPrince: oh no

PrimalPrince: i need an adult

NoMorals: lmao 2 seconds before disaster

CaptainShaggy: gettem rayla

WalmartBatman: YOU CANT OUTRUN A SHADOWPAW CALLUM

NoMorals: lmao this boy.

CaptainShaggy: i expect to see rayla and the shadowpaw walking down our street with callum being dragged along in its mouth

WalmartBatman: oh im about to make that a goddamn reality

PrimalPrince: the revolution will not be televised

PrimalPrince: it will be felt

NoMorals: wow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I might have reused a chunk of writing from my Miraculous Ladybug GC fic for this one but no one can stop me! fuck you  
> I might end up changing the whole one-shot idea to just making a new fic thats a collection of one-shots that are about what happens between chapters here idk
> 
> DISCORD: https://discord.gg/9y5PTa3  
> (Please do note that when joining the server you have to post in the #introductions channel first so I can assign you a proper role and then you'll have access to the main chat~)


	6. why do people like this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WalmartBatman: cally is finally asleep people
> 
> NoMorals: congratulations
> 
> CaptainShaggy: your did it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> weewoo its been a few days im sorry I had to put college over everything else  
> screams in suffering art student

WalmartBatman: cally is finally asleep people

NoMorals: congratulations

CaptainShaggy: your did it!

WalmartBatman: only issue

WalmartBatman: hes asleep on my lap meaning i cannot move.

NoMorals: lol 'issue'

WalmartBatman: quiet.

CaptainShaggy: right so callum is asleep

CaptainShaggy: lets shit talk him

WalmartBatman: you expect me to talk shit about my adorable boyfriend while he slumbers away in my lap?

WalmartBatman: ...ill bite

CaptainShaggy: nice

NoMorals: raylas feeling soft i can tell

WalmartBatman: you try being a hardass in my situation

NoMorals: youre right, callum is rather precious

CaptainShaggy: where is this going

WalmartBatman: are you trying to steal my him

NoMorals: 'my him'

NoMorals: no i was gonna talk about cute little baby callum moments but youre not being nice

WalmartBatman: BABIE CALLUM?????????

CaptainShaggy: oh god we have a lot of baby callum stories

NoMorals: WITTLE CALLUM

NoMorals: even back then he was easily flustered!

NoMorals: he tried so hard to impress everyone

CaptainShaggy: especially you

NoMorals: shhh youll make the moonshadow jealous

WalmartBatman: im right here guys

NoMorals: yeah but back when he had a crush on me

NoMorals: ngl ill admit i kinda took advantage of him when i needed it.

NoMorals: he didnt deserve that

CaptainShaggy: expose yourself

WalmartBatman: lmao both of you were assholes to him

WalmartBatman: AAWAFSD???

NoMorals: what happened

WalmartBatman: he

WalmartBatman: he sleep talks

NoMorals: WHAT DID HE SAY

CaptainShaggy: SPILL

WalmatBatman: i candgfhgjht

NoMorals: raylas freaking out it must be cute

WalmartBatman: you might need some context first

WalmartBatman: so when he jumped off the Spire after me he told me he said "rayla i love you" before his successful attempt to wing spell

WalmartBatman: so right now he just mumbled that in the smallest voice ive ever heard and then snuggled closer to me

WalmartBatman: im combusting

NoMorals: OH MY G O D

NoMorals: IM FUCKIGN TEXTING EZ RIGHT NOW TO GO IN THERE AND TAKE PICTURES

WalmartBatman: NO!!!!!!!!!!

WalmartBatman: FUCK I CANT GET UP TO LOCK THE DOOR

CaptainShaggy: lmaooooo accept your fate elf

WalmartBatman: as soon as cally wakes im murdering both of you.

NoMorals: what a way to die

WalmartBatman: NO I HATE YOU

WalmartBatman: fucker.

NoMorals: DSFDGFHGJ

CaptainShaggy: what

NoMorals: what a lovely picture from ez

NoMorals: rayla beet red flipping off the camera with a sleepy, smiling callum in her lap on the bed with a mountain of blankets and pillows

CaptainShaggy: d'aww

WalmartBatman: you made me wake up callum you fuck.

NoMorals: i didnt make you do shit

PrimalPrince: mmmmmyall are loud

NoMorals: wakey wakey!

WalmartBatman: I JUST GOT HIM TO SLEEP BITCH LOOK WHAT YOU DID

PrimalPrince: best thirty minutes of my life

NoMorals: oh christ only 30 minutes?

NoMorals: i changed my mind go back to bed

CaptainShaggy: ^

PrimalPrince: mean,,,,

WalmartBatman: ugh. im taking callum's phone and putting music on.

PrimalPrince: wait nooooooooo

NoMorals: RAYLA SING AGAIN?

CaptainShaggy: BRO FACETIME US WE WANNA HEAR

WalmartBatman: no

WalmartBatman: god I had an online class meeting today but I guess im not doing that anymore

NoMorals: dont act like you ever were gonna over callum

WalmartBatman: this is harassment

CaptainShaggy: rayla we know you weaknesses

CaptainShaggy: its callum full stop

WalmartBatman: i have more than one weakness but go off

NoMorals: WHAT??????

WalmartBatman: why the fuck did i admit that

NoMorals: SPILL!!!!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

WalmartBatman: fuck no

CaptainShaggy: does callum know?

WalmartBatman: ....

WalmartBatman: he found out by accident

NoMorals: i

NoMorals: hmm.

NoMorals: so it doesnt sound like its words or something it seems like a quirk or an action

WalmartBatman: STOP PLAYING DETECTIVE IM NOT TELLING

PrimalPrince: hey i know,,,,,,

PrimalPrince: its actually really adorable and it makes her laugh

WalmartBatman: NO

PrimalPrince: shes tivxcbnfddnhjg

WalmartBatman: SILENCED

NoMorals: what the fuck did you do

NoMorals: FREE HIM

WalmartBatman: cally has lost his phone privileges

CaptainShaggy: free my man callum

WalmartBatman: no. he's fucking sleeping.

NoMorals: ill find out that weakness yet

NoMorals: mark my worms

CaptainShaggy: lol worms

NoMorals: DID I STUTTER?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda short but i literally wrote this right now in my ESC1000 class lmao fuck  
> if my prof finds out im not taking notes im dead
> 
> anyways have fun guessing what my soft fluffy rayla headcanon is because if you know anything about me its that this is my favorite headcanon to give to people cause it makes for easy writing of fluff
> 
> DISCORD: https://discord.gg/nM7XTfQ  
> (Please do note that when joining the server you have to post in the #introductions channel first so I can assign you a proper role and then you'll have access to the main chat~)


	7. fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heehee shameless plugging my soundcloud because I can  
> Tl;dr- whats better than Callum making playlists for his fwiends? MAKING ACTUAL SONGS BITCHES

PrimalPrince: h

CaptainShaggy: wassup my man

NoMorals: callum's alive!

WalmartBatman: <3

PrimalPrince: damn do you guys just wait around for me to text yall

PrimalPrince: get a life

NoMorals: rude

WalmartBatman: you are my life.

CaptainShaggy: I LITERALLY JUST FUCKING CHOKED HOLY SHIT

PrimalPrince: that was way too smooth i dont like it

PrimalPrince: ray being smooth is gonna murder me

NoMorals: young love!

PrimalPrince: ANYWAY

PrimalPrince: I have been,,,,,, experimenting

CaptainShaggy: WORM?

NoMorals: SPILL

WalmartBatman: huh. even i dont know what hes talking about

WalmartBatman: whats this shit youve hidden from everyone cally

PrimalPirnce: hhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHH

NoMorals: hes nervous.

CaptainShaggy: you okay dude?

WalmartBatman: do you need an emergency visit from me?

PrimalPrince: im

PrimalPrince: fine

PrimalPrince: yall drop everything to worry about me fuck

PrimalPrince: okay.

PrimalPrince: you know how ill make you guys playlists right

NoMorals: oh shit?

PrimalPrince: i went

PrimalPrince: one step further

NoMorals: OH SHIT?

CaptainShaggy: call me stupid but idk what that means

WalmartBatman: you are stupid, soren

CaptainShaggy: rude!

NoMorals: CALLUM WENT QUIET WHERE DID HE GO

PrimalPrince: [For Soren](https://soundcloud.com/user-854527998/golden-nobility)

NoMorals: A LINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PrimalPrince: [For Claudia](https://soundcloud.com/user-854527998/lycanthropy)

NoMorals: A LINK FOR M E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PrimalPrince: breathes

PrimalPrince: [For Rayla](https://soundcloud.com/user-854527998/saige)

PrimalPrince: i did it.

PrimalPrince: im gonna pass out from anxiety now bye

CaptainShaggy: holy shit.

NoMorals: oh... my god????????????

WalmartBatman: wait.

CaptainShaggy: IM TRYING TO PROCESS...????

NoMorals: OH MY FUCKING GOD CALLUM COMPOSED SONGS FOR US LIKE STRAIGHT UP--

WalmartBatman: _oh._

NoMorals: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

CaptainShaggy: yo wait this kinda slaps fucK???

CaptainShaggy: it captures my crownguard vibes!

NoMorals: YO FUCK THIS IS LOWKEY METAL AS SHIT THIS SLAPS

NoMorals: IM VIBING

WalmartBatman: oh my.

NoMorals: LOL RAYLA HAS NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT TO SAY

CaptainShaggy: he called mine golden nobility wow an honor

NoMorals: oh yeah

NoMorals: mine's lycanthropy

NoMorals: wbu ray ray

WalmartBatman: never call me that again first of all

WalmartBatman: but

WalmartBatman: its called because she is

WalmartBatman: this dumb boy.

NoMorals: i dont know the context but okay!

CaptainShaggy: probably some sappy shit lol

WalmartBatman: ...yeah

NoMorals: wow rayla is deadass stunned into no words

WalmartBatman: english

NoMorals: shut up

CaptainShaggy: yknow

CaptainShaggy: despite my literal 1 iq

CaptainShaggy: i think instrumentals suit callum.

CaptainShaggy: art is something else isnt it

CaptainShaggy: and yeah he draws realism but the way he described the sky arcanum to us was far from that in my opinion

CaptainShaggy: i think he has a real hidden talent here being able to convey thoughts and feelings through music. or just. conveying the entire personality of a person in general.

WalmartBatman: wow, thats incredibly profound

WalmartBatman: you feeling okay soren?

NoMorals: THATS MY BRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

NoMorals: 10000 IQ MOMENT!!

NoMorals: ITS BIG BRAIN TIME

CaptainShaggy: HELL YEAH

WalmartBatman: and were back ladies

CaptainShaggy: i can only have one big brain moment per month everything else is 435465643 different types of megalovania remixes

WalmartBatman: yep were definitely back

NoMorals: callum is actually gone wait.

NoMorals: we need to get him

NoMorals: now

WalmartBatman: he isnt even answering my texts im a little worried.

CaptainShaggy: ah crap. dont tell me the dude is actually having a panic attack?

NoMorals: noooo :(

NoMorals: god we really need to help him realize there's nothing to worry about with us

WalmartBatman: im texting ez ugh

WalmartBatman: only reason im not rushing over there right now is because i have no idea if hes actually home

NoMorals: damn does he leave the house sometimes when he's on the edge?

WalmartBatman: the nearby park is his favorite spot to calm down. Ive found him there a couple of times. there's a back area that overlooks a man-made lake with a single bench. and there's a nice tree next to the bench that he says he used to climb all the time as a kid

NoMorals: WAIT DOES HE MEAN

NoMorals: THE SAME TREE???

CaptainShaggy: holy shit how did we forget about the tree

WalmartBatman: what.

CaptainShaggy: holy shit okay

CaptainShaggy: back when we were kids any time we went to that park we hauled ass to the back area to climb a tree. that was our fuckin tree. it fit all three of us at the same time easily. there was a single straight as hell branch that we could scoot to the edge of and do tricks. swingin like monkeys

WalmartBatman: i think its the same tree

NoMorals: OMG WE HAVE TO CLIMB IT AGAIN SOR

NoMorals: COOL KIDS TREE REUNION

WalmartBatman: maybe we should focus and finding out if cally's okay first?

NoMorals: oh no yeah definitely

WalmartBatman: update ez says he saw him leave to take a walk. he left his phone on the counter. not sure if that was on purpose or if hes just an idiot

CaptainShaggy: hes your idiot

WalmartBatman: hnnnnn yes he fucking is

NoMorals: aw rayla cant handle

WalmartBatman: im checking the park

WalmartBatman: as much as i trust him to go off on his own and handle himself i cant help but worry

NoMorals: can we tag along

CaptainShaggy: ^

WalmartBatman: lmao for callum or the tree

NoMorals: both!

WalmartBatman: sigh

WalmartBatman: even if i said no you wouldnt listen to me would you

CaptainShaggy: LMAO.... we listen to you?

WalmartBatman: OKAY

NoMorals: soren you just roasted me and yourself wtf

WalmartBatman: it was well deserved!

CaptainShaggy: i stand by what i said

NoMorals: damn

WalmartBatman: okay 1 brain cell trio

WalmartBatman: lets continue to never let callum be alone for 1 second

NoMorals: a fucking men

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a bad habit of putting genuine plot in my groupchat fics lol. whoops. anyways follow my soundcloud all of those songs are actually shit I composed poses  
> well. "composed". I used looplabs. it really was an amazing concept as a whole but it's so broken i cant even get it to function anymore. rip.
> 
> Callum's okay by the way. probably. a lot of this chapter has stuff from my life. the park and the tree especially. i fuckin loved that tree man. too bad im too lame to attempt to climb it now. not sure how the fuck my younger self and my group of idiot kids could climb it in the first place, the trunk is smooth as shit and too tall to just yoink up without places to grab. oh well.
> 
> DISCORD: https://discord.gg/nM7XTfQ  
> (Please do note that when joining the server you have to post in the #introductions channel first so I can assign you a proper role and then you'll have access to the main chat~)


	8. how to:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PrimalPrince: stan rayla bitches
> 
> WalmartBatman: but i am rayla
> 
> PrimalPrince: then STAN YOURSELF DAMN 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im on the edge of anxiety again for whatever reason so here's more of this bullshit that is starting to be less crack and more just how teens these days talk to each other. this is turning straight up normal.
> 
> or maybe its just normal to me considering who im friends with

PrimalPrince: I blame soren for this youtube suggestion.

CaptainShaggy: is it megalovania

PrimalPrince: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFUsYdtdCTI>

CaptainShaggy: i am a fucking god

PrimalPrince: i hate that it actually sounds pretty dope. fuck.

CaptainShaggy: undertale fandom has dedication man same shit with fnaf the fansongs are fire and they have no right to be

NoMorals: one day, we will have a conversation without the mention of the funny skeleton

PrimalPrince: soren probably mains mii gunner with the sans costume in smash ultimate

CaptainShaggy: FUCK YEAH I DO

CaptainShaggy: also i am a filthy, filthy ridley main and will not apologize

PrimalPrince: trash.

NoMorals: i main mewtwo tbh

NoMorals: kinda like bayonetta too

PrimalPrince: of course you would.

NoMorals: WHATS THAT MEAN

CaptainShaggy: spill your mains, callum

PrimalPrince: ... okay look

PrimalPrince: you cant make fun of me

NoMorals: i promise not to as long as youre not giving the wrong answer

PrimalPrince: i like kirby and mario

NoMorals: WRONG. SIN

CaptainShaggy: F O R W A R D A E R I A L

CaptainShaggy: ill give you a pass on mario for that but fucking. kirby. really

NoMorals: bad

PrimalPrince: youre just mad id kick your ass with a black hole encased in a pink flesh ball

NoMorals: please never describe him like that ever again

CaptainShaggy: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kniKC6KckbI>

PrimalPrince: the only time i approve of sorens shitposting

CaptainShaggy: hey wait callum

CaptainShaggy: you speak instrumental music right

PrimalPrince: where is this going

CaptainShaggy: relax its just something i found poking around on soundcloud

CaptainShaggy: i just want your opinion cause i think its fucking expertly done for what its trying to be

CaptainShaggy: <https://soundcloud.com/keno9988ii/help_tale-bonetrousle>

PrimalPrince: god dammit its more fucking undertale

PrimalPrince: fine. ill take a listen.

NoMorals: sor i think you genuinely have a problem

CaptainShaggy: the game is poetic

CaptainShaggy: its a crime not to like it

PrimalPrince: holy shit this intro

PrimalPrince: wow i have 0 context to what the fuck this is actually for and about but goddamn this intro

PrimalPrince: fuck this is SMOOTH

PrimalPrince: very unnerving. which is what im assuming it was aiming for. whew

PrimalPrince: okay im gonna be honest i dont like the other part that comes in after the 50 second mark but

PrimalPrince: those first 50 second hit me HARD

PrimalPrince: that is some good ass unnerving hopelessness

CaptainShaggy: and this is for fucking undertale

PrimalPrince: damn these people really are dedicated.

NoMorals; i have no idea whats happening

PrimalPrince: you wouldnt understand youre not arty enough

NoMorals: WOW RUDE

CaptainShaggy: callum thinks im arty!

PrimalPrince: i mean you do like poetry

PrimalPrince: ad it seems like youre kinda in the same way of thought as i am when it comes to emotion conveyance through intrumental

CaptainShaggy: youve exposed me

PrimalPrince: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

NoMorals: hey weres ur gf cal

PrimalPrince: uh

PrimalPrince: idk

PrimalPrince: probably off being a badass

CaptainShaggy: so nothing new

PrimalPrince: yeah

NoMorals: damn

PrimalPrince: anyways stan rayla

CaptainShaggy: sure

NoMorals: bad. bad callum.

NoMorals: no stan loona jokes in my vicinity.

PrimalPrince: im just trying to get you to stan my girlfriend like she deserves

NoMorals: sighs heavily

CaptainShaggy: we have a rayla hater in chat

PrimalPrince: GET THEM

NoMorals: what the fuck

PrimalPrince: rayla cult.

CaptainShaggy: ONE OF US

PrimalPrince: O N E O F U S

NoMorals: aight im boutta head tf out

WalmartBatman: hey guys what the fuck?

PrimalPrince: OUR GODDESS IS HERE

CaptainShaggy: BLESSED DAY

NoMorals: the morons have lost their minds rayla.

WalmartBatman: yeah i can see!

WalmartBatman: i dont mind cally worshipping me cause he already does but why is soren also doing that

CaptainShaggy: pack mentality

NoMorals: THERES ONLY TWO OF YOU

CaptainShaggy: PACK. MENTALITY.

NoMorals: ok

PrimalPrince: stan rayla bitches

WalmartBatman: but i am rayla

PrimalPrince: then STAN YOURSELF DAMN

WalmartBatman: that isnt self care

CaptainShaggy: self care is chugging a lava lamp

PrimalPrince: WHAT THE FUCK NO IT ISNT

CaptainShaggy: g l u g

PrimalPrince: SOREN NO

WalmartBatman: i genuinely wonder how youre even alive soren

CaptainShaggy: rude

CaptainShaggy: i may have 1 iq but that 1 iq keeps me afloat

NoMorals: barely

PrimalPrince: ^

CaptainShaggy: you all suck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i give you no resolution to last chapter lol. relax it'll end up in Primal In-Betweens at some point I promise
> 
> worms
> 
> DISCORD: https://discord.gg/nM7XTfQ  
> (Please do note that when joining the server you have to post in the #introductions channel first so I can assign you a proper role and then you'll have access to the main chat~)


	9. stream War! you cowards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PrimalPrince: listen.
> 
> PrimalPrince: War! slaps and im not sorry.
> 
> PrimalPrince: stream War! you cowards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this on my phone cause im edging through reality again and everything is boring anyways here's shit

NoMorals: Ez just texted me if he could come over to my house.

NoMorals: the fuck are you doing callum.

PrimalPrince: WHY DO I GET IMMEDIATELY ACCUSED

NoMorals: BECAUSE IM RIGHT ARENT I

CaptainShaggy: sips tea

PrimalPrince: shut it soren

PrimalPrince: im literally not doing anything

NoMorals: """claudia please let me come over callum is blasting the same song over and over again on repeat and ive had enough"""

PrimalPrince: listen.

PrimalPrince: War! slaps and im not sorry.

PrimalPrince: stream War! you cowards

NoMorals: i have never even heard of this shit

PrimalPrince: bruh.

PrimalPrince: <https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLC9wgrXlDI-J_X59kbuCoXFYgeG6jXBAS>

CaptainShaggy: 'songs that slapped me and called me a bitch and i said thank you'

CaptainShaggy: callum you got some issues man

PrimalPrince: shut the fuck up no i dont

PrimalPrince: theyre slapping songs

NoMorals: well I guess ill give it a chance

NoMorals: oh wow War! is the first song what a surprise.

CaptainShaggy: 

PrimalPrince: i hate both of you

PrimalPrince: its a good fuckin song ok

NoMorals: woah ok that song entry

PrimalPrince: SEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NoMorals: calm tf down im not there yet

NoMorals: update im there holy shit

PrimalPrince: HA

CaptainShaggy: callum stop dragging people into your music cult

PrimalPrince: n e v e r.

PrimalPrince: also [THIS](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_lbbHp670k) will never not be an amazing instrumental

CaptainShaggy: ha undertale

NoMorals: callum im terrified.

NoMorals: you have a christmas song in this playlist.

NoMorals: implying you listen to this song at any point in the year.

NoMorals: this is unacceptable

PrimalPrince: MINOR KEY FITS OKAY MY GOD

PrimalPrince: IF YALL ARE GONNA JUDGE ME FOR MY SHIT THEN ILL JUST STOP SHARING

CaptainShaggy: damn claudia whyd you say that

NoMorals: IM SORRY I DIDNT MEAN IT

PrimalPrince: squints

NoMorals: PLEASE FORGIVE ME O MIGHTY

NoMorals: WONDERFUL SKY MAGE

NoMorals: HUMAN OF THE SKIES

PrimalPrince: beg.

CaptainShaggy: jesus

NoMorals: im on my knees.

PrimalPrince: nevermind that sounds bad

PrimalPrince: youre forgiven jesus fuck

NoMorals: lmao pussy

CaptainShaggy: well at least you tried

WalmartBatman: hey claudia you wanna come over and join me in binge watching true crime shit

NoMorals: DO I?????

PrimalPrince: what the fuck

CaptainShaggy: me listening to reddit videos about horror stuff for hours on end

PrimalPrince: are

PrimalPrince: are yall okay.

WalmartBatman: no

NoMorals: no

CaptainShaggy: no

PrimalPrince: god.

PrimalPrince: im calling a fucking therapist

NoMorals: HIT OR MISS

CaptainShaggy: DEPRESSION IS A BITCH HUH

PrimalPrince: WE ARE NOT DOING THIS SHut UP

WalmartBatman: you humans

WalmartBatman: are batshit

PrimalPrince: WHAT DID I EVEN DO?????

PrimalPrince: THEYRE THE ONES BEING BATSHIT

WalmartBatman: you trying to keep them in line makes you batshit cause you be yellin 24/7

PrimalPrince: fuck

NoMorals: rayla were you serious about that invitation or

WalmartBatman: oh yeah. Runaan's out again for a bit. you know how he is

NoMorals: he just needs some time ig

NoMorals: i am the daughter of a terrorist unfortunately.

PrimalPrince: :(

CaptainShaggy: Trouble in Terrorist Town

PrimalPrince: lmao fucking garrys mod

NoMorals: HOLY SHIT

NoMorals: Guys we need to play prop hunt sometime

WalmartBatman: ooh yeah im sure thatll go over well

WalmartBatman: nevermind the fuckery you can get away with in that game

CaptainShaggy: lmao thats the good fuckery shit

CaptainShaggy: count me in

PrimalPrince: prop hunt or minecraft

NoMorals: h

NoMorals: how have we never played minecraft together wait a minute

WalmartBatman: cally and i have

WalmartBatman: you assholes can join our server if you want!

PrimalPrince: good luck finding our base though lol we're like 1 million blocks out from spawn

NoMorals: im not even gonna ask how you did that shit but okay

PrimalPrince: also I built my own spire for our base :)

WalmartBatman: i built a massive tree!

CaptainShaggy: lmao stereotype

PrimalPrince: what

CaptainShaggy: callum, human, builds a building with stuff from nature

CaptainShaggy: rayla, elf, builds a tree with stuff from nature

PrimalPrince: listen i didnt come here to be attacked

WalmartBatman: I have a pet doggie too

PrimalPrince: tell me why he lives in my spire though

WalmartBatman: to protect your idiot ass

NoMorals: haha what if we put our minecraft beds together,,,,,

PrimalPrince: ...

PrimalPrince: we already did

NoMorals: WOW!

CaptainShaggy: hey bro bro when we join your shit can I be teleported to your base I swear I wont ruin it

CaptainShaggy: I just wanna build something cool too to be on the same level as the spire and the big tree

WalmartBatman: ooo yeah each of us should have one starring build in the area of the base!

NoMorals: sits here in im going to build a giant spider

PrimalPrince: banned

NoMorals: wow censorship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will not be providing pictures of the Spire or the Big Tree from my minecraft server  
> Technically not my minecraft server it's my friends but im not gonna give out the IP cause. I crash the server myself enough he doesn't need to worry about other randos lol
> 
> No discord link today im lazy just check the last chapter if youve decided to join us


	10. no

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PrimalPrince: will I ever stop constantly editing and adding things to my friends' playlists? find out at 11
> 
> NoMorals: i swear to god if you add more shit that makes me sound like a goth lesbian
> 
> PrimalPrince: claudia you are a goth lesbian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back on my bullshit
> 
> my bullshit is this fic

PrimalPrince: will I ever stop constantly editing and adding things to my friends' playlists? find out at 11

NoMorals: i swear to god if you add more shit that makes me sound like a goth lesbian

PrimalPrince: claudia you are a goth lesbian

NoMorals: IM NOT FUCKING GAY

PrimalPrince: ok

PrimalPrince: anyways you clearly know what im doing

NoMorals: is this going to be an ongoing project for you.

PrimalPrince: probably!

PrimalPrince: art is never done, you can always improve

PrimalPrince: aka I literally keep finding new songs and think 'hmm that fits [insert one of you here]' so

NoMorals: good lord.

NoMorals: im checking my playlist im scared to find out what youve done

PrimalPrince: ...anyways

PrimalPrince: where is my wonderful gf and the dumb of ass

NoMorals: callum.

NoMorals: what the fuck is this.

PrimalPrince: art

CaptainShaggy: i wont believe that callum is dedicated to this until he hits 100 songs on one of our playlists

PrimalPrince: is that a challenge

CaptainShaggy: yes

PrimalPrince; bet.

WalmartBatman: oh look now you've gone and done it

WalmartBatman: im never gonna see him again he's gonna be walled off in his room until he fulfills that challenge

NoMorals: im more concerned about what the fuck callum is trying to insinuate with one of these new additions

PrimalPrince: im assuming youre taking about the

PrimalPrince: the song from the Plague Inc soundtrack

NoMorals: YES BITCH ARE YOU CALLING ME A DISEASE

PrimalPrince: that would've been a funny prank but no

PrimalPrince: idk it just reminded me of you

PrimalPrince: not sure why

NoMorals: squints

PrimalPrince: I have heard so many songs in my short life and I will not lie, i cant remember most of them

PrimalPrince: my brain isnt big enough for a music library

PrimalPrince: it helps to make playlists of them

PrimalPrince: so i dont 100% lose em

PrimalPrince: RED ALERT I'VE GONE TOO FUCKIG FAR

WalmartBatman: what did you do.

PrimalPrince: I REMEMBERED AN OLD LIST OF SONGS I HAD MADE YEARS AGO AND LISTENING TO THEM HAS NO MADE ME FUCKING REGRESS

PrimalPrince: IM HAVING WAR FLASHBACKS

NoMorals: lmao suffer

CaptainShaggy: dare I ask....

PrimalPrince: soul eater music

CaptainShaggy: ASDFGH FUCVK

NoMorals: oh christ really

CaptainShaggy: I CHOKED ON MY DAMN CEREAL

WalmartBatman: callum watched anime wow

PrimalPrince: BE QUIET IT WAS A PHASE

WalmartBatman: what song is it im adding it to your playlist

PrimalPrince: NO

NoMorals: goddamn the shade

CaptainShaggy: ⊂ _ヽYour just ＼＼ ＿ ＼( •_ •) F < ⌒ヽ A / へ＼ B / / ＼＼ U ﾚ ノ ヽ _つ L / / O / /| U ( (ヽ S | |、＼. | 丿 ＼ ⌒) | | ) / `ノ ) Lﾉ (_ ／

PrimalPrince: first of all what the fuck

CaptainShaggy: dammit it didnt work

CaptainShaggy: hey callum I have some questions about the additions to my playlist

PrimalPrince: no one gets to fucking object you take what you get and like it

CaptainShaggy: yessir

NoMorals: wow dom energy for 2 seconds

PrimalPrince: shut the FUCK up

WalmartBatman: cally this is cheating

PrimalPrince: come again

WalmartBatman: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqHbmUUlpR4&list=PLC9wgrXlDI-IiOVcOeuNnyYiWxgZJz_vX&index=14&t=0s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqHbmUUlpR4&list=PLC9wgrXlDI-IiOVcOeuNnyYiWxgZJz_vX&index=14&t=0s)

WalmartBatman: this has nothing to do with my personality you're just reaching

NoMorals: takin a listen...

PrimalPrince: I have no idea what youre talking about sweetie it totally fits you

WalmartBatman: s

NoMorals: SWEETIE???????????????????????

NoMorals: also 2 seconds in and i understand

NoMorals: callum you are being hella smooth today whats happening

PrimalPrince: :)

PrimalPrince: i have no idea what youre on about

PrimalPrince: cant a guy compliment his wonderful girlfriend?

NoMorals: the real callum was murdered and replaced by an evil doppleganger

PrimalPrince: die

NoMorals: kill me youll only be killing a man

CaptainShaggy: woman

NoMorals: shut up soren

CaptainShaggy: rude

PrimalPrince: the only man i wish to kill

PrimalPrince: goodbye small fucker

WalmartBatman: what the fuck

CaptainShaggy: oh look raylas back

WalmartBatman: yeah sorry i had a mini panic attack over callum calling me sweetie and also indirectly calling me beautiful 23453 times using that song

PrimalPrince: wait no that was not the intended outcome im sorry

WalmartBatman: omg cally its okay it was sweet

PrimalPrince: like you!

WalmartBatman: ....

WalmartBatman: excuse me

NoMorals: callum stop youre gonna kill her

PrimalPrince: oh trust me I know the limits

PrimalPrince: i know quite a lot of things about rayla that she would murder me for telling over people

PrimalPrince: mainly things she likes but will only let me do

NoMorals: hmm. interesting!

PrimalPrince: NOTHING DIRTY YOU FUCKING WALNUT

NoMorals: not yet

PrimalPrince: ill go over there and strangle you dont think I wont

NoMorals: i await your arrival, oh princely human mage of the skies

CaptainShaggy: laying it on thick

PrimalPrince: i dont deserve this hate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be updating their playlists constantly. So if you're interested go back to the chapter where I linked those and save it or summ
> 
> DISCORD: https://discord.gg/nM7XTfQ  
> (Please do note that when joining the server you have to post in the #introductions channel first so I can assign you a proper role and then you'll have access to the main chat~)


	11. awful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NoMorals: I have several questions about what razor Rayla uses cause I don't see a goddamn bit of hair under her arms and I need that kind of close shave in my life right about now hook me up sister
> 
> NoMorals: this is one of the worse things Ive said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yet another chapter derived mostly from the discord server because jesus christ its cursed in there

NoMorals: I have several questions about what razor Rayla uses cause I don't see a goddamn bit of hair under her arms and I need that kind of close shave in my life right about now hook me up sister

NoMorals: this is one of the worse things Ive said

CaptainShaggy: she uses her swords

CaptainShaggy: just gotta be careful

PrimalPrince: One wrong slish and there goes the Carotid artery

NoMorals: thanks for that answer

NoMorals: gonna go pop off for a trip home and shave me underarms using my blasted dagger

CaptainShaggy: i mean just grab the blade and maneuver with it

PrimalPrince: And there goes your hand

WalmartBatman: im right fucking here guys.

CaptainShaggy: yes you can grab a sharpened sword blade without cutting yourself

CaptainShaggy: <https://youtu.be/vwuQPfvSSlo>

CaptainShaggy: proof

NoMorals: there is a bad joke to be made here but for the sake of sanity I will not, in fact, do it!

CaptainShaggy: do it

CaptainShaggy: do it now

NoMorals: hmm. no!

CaptainShaggy: okay coward

PrimalPrince: for the sake of everything I know what kind of bad jokes claudia makes

PrimalPrince: please keep your mouth shut

NoMorals: I literally already was damn rude

CaptainShaggy: <https://youtu.be/DXyX7MqBlMM>

PrimalPrince: why does this chat always end up on megalovania.

NoMorals: chaos

CaptainShaggy: were just megalovibin

PrimalPrince: FUCK YOU. fuck you fuckYOU FUCK YOU

PrimalPricne: BAD JOKE

WalmartBatman: uhm

CaptainShaggy: i mean what did you expect

NoMorals: that was the most feral reaction i have seen from callum ever wow

PrimalPrince: bad fucking joke.

WalmartBatman: you okay cally?

PrimalPrince: i need emergency kisses that genuinely made me fucking angry

CaptainShaggy: my work here is done

WalmartBatman: why is your job apparently making callum genuinely suffer

PrimalPrince: my blood is boiling

PrimalPrince: im going to scream that joke dealt me 100 damage

PrimalPrince: straight to the heart

WalmartBatman: im omw babe

PrimalPrince: FUCK

NoMorals: +100 damage for the babe word

WalmartBatman: that's good damage

PrimalPrince 

PrimalPrince: im ok thanks for asking

WalmartBatman: omw faster

NoMorals: youd think rayla does damage with her swords but it is her words that take you out

CaptainShaggy: hey rayla how many swords do you own

WalmartBatman: i

WalmartBatman: why is this relevant exactly

CaptainShaggy: its not just curious

WalmartBatman: I own two you know this wtf

WalmartBatman : stoopid

CaptainShaggy: yeah i guess this is why you don't ask questions when the spirits of death and pain rent your spine

WalmartBatman: EXCUSE ME?

CaptainShaggy: look my fuckingv

CaptainShaggy: back hurts

CaptainShaggy: and my stomach and my arm and

WalmartBatman: goddamn take some advil

NoMorals: Soren is your back really flaring up that bad again?

PrimalPrince: Yknow I forgot soren literally broke his back that one time

WalmartBatman: pretty sure Pyrrah apologized for that one by now

CaptainShaggy: man its a fair trade I broke her horn

PrimalPrince: w

PrimalPrince: a single broken horn = the entirety of a human's spine broken

NoMorals: crumchy

PrimalPrince: bad. do not.

WalmartBatman: oh god I just imagined what that would feel like and also sound like

CaptainShaggy: hey I can tell you from experience.

NoMorals: im so fucking glad we could heal you with magic

PrimalPrince: yeah

PrimalPrince: oop ray's at my door again

WalmartBatman: you said you wanted emergency kisses im here to deliver

NoMorals: aww! disgusting.

PrimalPrince: things I dont deserve: a very specific beautiful moonshadow elf

WalmartBatman: hgnnn stop that and open the door

PrimalPrince: yes maam

CaptainShaggy: ill be off finding more megalovania remixes to ruin callum's life with

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to post this and my mf head hurts now so im gonna go die in bed now
> 
> DISCORD: https://discord.gg/nM7XTfQ  
> (Please do note that when joining the server you have to post in the #introductions channel first so I can assign you a proper role and then you'll have access to the main chat~)


	12. ea sports

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NoMorals: can someone please take callum's electroswing rights away
> 
> NoMorals: i am begging.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter cause I have no writing motivation but I feel like I should do. Something before my tolerance for interacting with people completely shits itself brb for like a fat month

NoMorals: can someone please take callum's electroswing rights away

NoMorals: i am begging.

PrimalPrince: not sure if this song counts as Electroswing but

PrimalPrince: TAKING OVER NIGHT TAKING OVER BLUE SHINE

WalmartBatman: oh that song

WalmartBatman: ill give that song a pass cause it does kinda slap

PrimalPrince: IT DOES MORE THAN KINDA BUT OK

CaptainShaggy: WILD SIDE?

PrimalPrince: YES

CaptainShaggy: good choice sir.

NoMorals: 99% sure thats the opening song for some furry shit on netflix but ok

CaptainShaggy: ITS SO WONDERFUL MY LIFE

PrimalPrince: PLEASE COULD YOU SAY MY NAME?

CaptainShaggy: WHEN THE MUSIC'S OVER?

WalmartBatman: well.

WalmartBatman: the boys seem to be having fun.

PrimalPrince: I wanna be

PrimalPrince: wanna be dancin

PrimalPrince: dancin to wild side with my gf

PrimalPrince: havin fun to the beat

PrimalPrince: while i sing my heart out to the lyrics of this wonderful song

WalmartBatman: w...what

NoMorals: callum did you like, hit your head

PrimalPrince: im feelin. soft idk

PrimalPrince: something about the chorus of wild side just gives me great joy

CaptainShaggy: probably the pitch of the notes

CaptainShaggy: like i get it too

PrimalPrince: holy shit soren are we music buddies

CaptainShaggy: fuck yeah bro.

CaptainShaggy: no homo but we understand each others souls through musics

PrimalPrince: SOUL RESONANCE

NoMorals: stop fucking watching soul eater cal.

PrimalPrince: never.

PrimalPrince: if soul eater universe was real ray would be my weapon

PrimalPrince: soul eater fucking evans is so dead-set on giving his life for maka and that is raylas mindset for me if im ever in danger

WalmartBatman: first off i didnt ask to be called out

WalmartBatman: second of all i kinda wanna watch soul eater now lmao shit

NoMorals: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBS

CaptainShaggy: aight bros lets binge this anime while leaving claudia specifically out of the hangout time

NoMorals: HEY

NoMorals: RUDE

CaptainShaggy: then watch soul eater with us

NoMorals: The seas will dry, the earth will shatter and my frozen corpse will float into the enthropy of space and i will still not watch soul eater

PrimalPrince: wow.

PrimalPrince: have fun being alone tonight then loser

CaptainShaggy: f

NoMorals: i rather have my dignity.

CaptainShaggy: imagine having such a vendetta against a show

NoMorals: you dont gotta turn it on me just because we found out you jerk to megalovania

WalmartBatman: WHAT

CaptainShaggy: What the fuck did you just say

PrimalPrince: i fucking knew it

CaptainShaggy: No seriously i'm trying to process it

NoMorals: I really dont have an answer for you man

CaptainShaggy: well that was a fun tangent lets move on!

WalmartBatman: hey cally what weapon do you think claudia would be

PrimalPrince: first off youre a sword no exceptions

PrimalPrince: secondly maybe a sniper riffle or bec de corbin

CaptainShaggy: THIS BITCH IS A GUN

PrimalPrince: ASDFDGHG SHES A GLOCK

PrimalPrince: this sounds so fucking republican

WalmartBatman: sounds like half of the people at our school

CaptainShaggy: Soul Eater is a secret republican propaganda anime

PrimalPrince: ASDFGHGH FUCK

NoMorals: what the even fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wild side slaps. You have no right to disagree  
> Also I rewatched soul eater like the bitch I am and I am sobbing over Soul and Maka in 2020. I love,,,, them
> 
> DISCORD: https://discord.gg/nM7XTfQ  
> (Please do note that when joining the server you have to post in the #introductions channel first so I can assign you a proper role and then you'll have access to the main chat~)


	13. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PrimalPrince: guys there is straight up just a lizard skull fully decomposed on my floor
> 
> CaptainShaggy: hmm
> 
> CaptainShaggy: that doesn't sound good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys its been a little bit since I updated this, sorry about that I've been working on a big boy Rayllum AU called Song Of Silence you should totally read it if you haven't yet I'm genuinely putting a lot of effort into the bitch

NoMorals: i am literally shooting myself

WalmartBatman: why

NoMorals: my dad

NoMorals: is not

NoMorals: allowing me

NoMorals: to wear shorts

WalmartBatman: WHY????

NoMorals: because its "too cold"

WalmartBatman: ????????????

WalmartBatman: what even is the weather

NoMorals: 63

NoMorals: degrees

WalmartBatman: that's. nice weather

NoMorals: """"too cold""""""

NoMorals: IM NOT ALLOWED TO WEAR SHORTS

NoMorals: I SWEAR TO GOD

WalmartBatman: do it break the law

NoMorals: yknow what fine

NoMorals: if i cant wear shorts and show off my fucking legs

NoMorals: im gonna wear my tight ass pants

NoMorals: fuck it

NoMorals: IM GONNA BE A SLUT EITHER GODDAMN WAY

WalmartBatman: wow we stan a queen

PrimalPrince: guys there is straight up just a lizard skull fully decomposed on my floor

CaptainShaggy: hmm

CaptainShaggy: that doesn't sound good

WalmartBatman: THE FUCK?

PrimalPrince: whenever i open my fucking windows there a chance that a lizard climbs through into my room so

PrimalPrince: not really surprised

NoMorals: HES VIBING!!!!!!!!!!!

PrimalPrince: he's incredibly dead maam.

PrimalPrince: 

PrimalPrince: here's the skull

NoMorals: wheres the rest of his body

PrimalPrince: no idea

WalmartBatman: god please tell me you didn't touch it with your bare hands

PrimalPrince: nah I aspiro'd it into the little thingy

NoMorals: imagine using your sky magic for something like that

PrimalPrince: shut the hell up

CaptainShaggy: vulture culture

PrimalPrince: DO NOT EVEN GET HER STARTED

NoMorals: omg yesssssss

NoMorals: i will continue to collect bones

NoMorals: callum for how much will you sell that boy to me

PrimalPrince: nasty

PrimalPrince: just fucking come here and take it its too small for me to think about putting monetary value on

NoMorals: HELLA

WalmartBatman: this is why elves dont like humans

WalmartBatman: yall fuckin scavenge living things

NoMorals: HEY LISTEN

NoMorals: I DONT GO OUT OF MY WAY TO KILL ANIMALS FOR THEIR BONES

NoMorals: roadkill is all cards on the table

NoMorals: preservation is cool and fun and science!!!!

WalmartBatman: ew

NoMorals: just don't go in my backyard when I have roadkill corpses in a bucket waiting for the meat to fuck off

NoMorals: i want the precious bones inside

CaptainShaggy: the amount of times ive straight up vomited because of the smell.

WalmartBatman: is this what Sol Regem means when he smells death?

NoMorals: ASDFRTYGUH NO

NoMorals: yknow even if i wasnt the daughter of the man who blinded him he still wouldnt like me would he

PrimalPrince: no

WalmartBatman: no

CaptainShaggy: no

NoMorals: welp

NoMorals: time to go pay an archdragon a visit

CaptainShaggy: CAN YOU STOP WITH THE DEATH WISH

NoMorals: n e v e r.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact the picture of the lizard skull is mine. I noticed it on my floor like an hour ago lmao. Florida. This is what it's like living on america's dick


	14. help me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PrimalPrince: hey so my bathroom flooded lmao
> 
> NoMorals: WHAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY BATHROOM IS FUCKING FLOODING SLOWLY THERE IS A BROKEN PIPE SOMEWHERE BELOW THE FLOOR IT IS AROUND 10 PM AS I WRITE THIS IM SADFFGDFHGJH

PrimalPrince: hey so my bathroom flooded lmao

NoMorals: WHAT

PrimalPrince: ASDFGFHGJ

PrimalPrince: I WALKED IN THERE AND THERE WAS AN INCH OF WATER COVERING THE ENTIRE FLOOR

PrimalPrince: i think a pipe busted

NoMorals: o h

PrimalPrince: emergency plumber call time

PrimalPrince: its fucking 10 pm lmaooooooooo

NoMorals: im-

PrimalPrince: bro the pipe is leakign

PrimalPrince: im fghfgd

PrimalPrince: bro my sink committed die

PrimalPrince: our plumbing-

PrimalPrince: BRO ITS NOT THE PIPE IN THE SINK ITS A PIPE UNDER THE FLOOR

NoMorals: me

PrimalPrince: biiiiiiiiiitchin

PrimalPrince: im asdfsdgfd bro

CaptainShaggy: what the fuck is happening?

PrimalPrince: oh hey soren my bathroom is flooded no big deal

CaptainShaggy: ooooooof

CaptainShaggy: good luck with that

PrimalPrince: im fdvgfht hsg

WalmartBatman: CALLY YOU GOOD?

PrimalPrince: IM LITERALLY CACKLING THIS IS SO DUMB

PrimalPrince: Im gonna drink the leak water

CaptainShaggy: DO NOT-

WalmartBatman: DO NOT

WalmartBatman: PLEASE DO NOT

PrimalPrince: glug

WalmartBatman: NO

WalmartBatman: BAD IDEA

CaptainShaggy: DO NOT DRINK THE LEAK WATER I AM BEGGING YOU

CaptainShaggy: IF YOU DO AT LEAST LEAVE SOME FOR ME

PrimalPrince: then come glug with me hoe

NoMorals: am i come to glug?

NoMorals: can

NoMorals: i cant spell

CaptainShaggy: ill come glug with you in spirit

PrimalPrince: chug

NoMorals: shots

NoMorals: take body shots with cal's busted pipe water 

WalmartBatman: what the hell is wrong with all of you

WalmartBatman: dont fucking drink the floor water!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PrimalPrince: GLUG.

WalmartBatman: CALLY

PrimalPrince: i just wanna slurp the forbidden drink,,,,,

WalmartBatman: I’m a good child I don’t drink. I don’t smoke a weed.

PrimalPrince: i

NoMorals: holy shit we need to get rayla wasted now.

CaptainShaggy: literally none of us are of age to drink-

NoMorals: lmao you follow the law? pussy

CaptainShaggy: sigh

WalmartBatman: you better be talking about getting me wasted on moonberry juice and not alcohol you fucking shitwagon

PrimalPrince: wow

NoMorals: okay look

NoMorals: if you act like Callum when he has too much nutella when you have too much moonberry juice its basically the same shit

PrimalPrince: DONT FUCKING EXPOSE ME

WalmartBatman: backup

WalmartBatman: cally gets blitzed off of nutella?

NoMorals: omfg you have no goddamn idea

NoMorals: let me tell you a goddamn story sis

PrimalPrince: PLEASE DONT

CaptainShaggy: I still dont remember this story

CaptainShaggy: sounds like we have a wild time though

NoMorals: soren and callum ate too much nutella one night while we were having a sleepover and the idiots got into soren's car and drag raced down the block by themselves

PrimalPrince: I WASNT DRIVING THE CAR TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT

CaptainShaggy: did we win

PrimalPrince: SOREN WE WERENT RACING ANYONE

CaptainShaggy: so we won

WalmartBatman: I cant believe you two.

NoMorals: imagine my panic when i woke up and found them gone along with the car at like 1 am

WalmartBatman: 1 am....

CaptainShaggy: lmaoooooo get in losers we goin shopping

PrimalPrince: YOU CANT EXPECT SOMEONE WHO'D EATEN THAT MUCH SUGAR TO STAY ASLEEP YOU FUCK

PrimalPrince: update the plumber cant come right now its like 10:30 now

PrimalPrince: we might have to shut our water off lol

PrimalPrince: just thursday tingz

WalmartBatman: COME OVER???????

WalmartBatman: COME OVER I HAVE WATER??????????????????

PrimalPrince: wow the desperation

NoMorals: god i didnt even get a chance to offer

NoMorals: rayla thirsty as hell

WalmartBatman: shut the fuck up its getting late and i wanna cuddle.

PrimalPrince: ill ask my units but i cant promise anything

PrimalPrince: its not like my ac busted shutting the water off isnt a valid reason to leave my house

WalmartBatman: valid reason to leave your house: your girlfriend is needy

NoMorals: rayla at us: gordon ramsay yelling

NoMorals: rayla at callum: giv me attention :(((((

WalmartBatman: die

PrimalPrince: rayla likes head pets

WalmartBatman: WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT.

WalmartBatman: TO TELL THEM THAT

PrimalPrince: My 2345346543 page TwitLonger about how cute you are

WalmartBatman: bastard

NoMorals: aww you guys are so gross

PrimalPrince: cuck I have to go help with the leaking

PrimalPrince: rayla ill try to skeet over in a bit

PrimalPrince: please tell me your dads know the situation and youre not sneaking me in

WalmartBatman: wheres the fun in that

PrimalPrince: RAYLA.

WalmartBatman: fine ill ask

NoMorals: Lmao callum fucking abandons his family

PrimalPrince: oh please they're fine

PrimalPrince: they might end up going over to you and soren's for some shit tho

NoMorals: but why

PrimalPrince: thorsty

NoMorals: bitch I can just bring over some water bottles-

PrimalPrince: THORSTY.

NoMorals: DIDNT YOU HAVE TO HELP GO AWAY

PrimalPrince: peace

CaptainShaggy: what a disaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im shitting my pants why is this a thing I just got home today. We're deciding if we should turn the water off for the house because the plumber cant come out rn lmao,,, if its a leaking pipe in the walls it could cause damage if we leave it on.... wild.......
> 
> DISCORD: https://discord.gg/nM7XTfQ  
> (Please do note that when joining the server you have to post in the #introductions channel first so I can assign you a proper role and then you'll have access to the main chat~)


	15. the one where soren uses too many images

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PrimalPrince: big talk coming from someone who has the original smooth brain
> 
> CaptainShaggy: are you calling me a brainlet
> 
> PrimalPrince: yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I havent updated this fresh hell in a bit so have a small bit of fuck

CaptainShaggy: 

CaptainShaggy: whats this

PrimalPrince: permission to ban soren from talking ever again

WalmartBatman: permission granted

CaptainShaggy: 

PrimalPrince: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

WalmartBatman: oh no

WalmartBatman: soren don't you dare

PrimalPrince: context please

WalmartBatman: I think hes genuinely going to only talk in images now

CaptainShaggy: 

PrimalPrince: bro i cant even see what that says get better image quality

CaptrainShaggy: 

CaptainShaggy: for the record it said delete this

CaptainShaggy: the second one says im not fucking okay since i know your blind ass is gonna ask

PrimalPrince: rude

WalmartBatman: what did we do to deserve this punishment

CaptainShaggy: you threatened to silence me

CaptainShaggy: I will not be silenced i know my rights

NoMorals: 

PrimalPrince: oh great now claudias doing it

WalmartBatman: oh hey claudia i didnt know you were finally accepting yourself for who you are

NoMorals: eat my nuts im not gay

WalmartBatman: there is so much wrong with that sentence i dont even know where to start

PrimalPrince: goth lesbian definition

NoMorals: fuck you

CaptainShaggy: 

PrimalPrince: BITCH STOP

NoMorals: thats a mega crispy image

CaptainShaggy: toasty

PrimalPrince: rayla we need to escape

PrimalPrince: the siblings are teaming up

WalmartBatman: unfortunate

CaptainShaggy: 

PrimalPrince: big talk coming from someone who has the original smooth brain

CaptainShaggy: are you calling me a brainlet

PrimalPrince: yes.

CaptainShaggy: ok square up right now

NoMorals: 

NoMorals: how i imagine rayla whenever callum exists

PrimalPrince: ADSFSDGFH

WalmartBatman: HEY

WalmartBatman: IM IN THIS PHOTO AND I DONT LIKE IT

CaptainShaggy: this isnt instagram loser you cant report images

WalmartBatman: i can report your fucking murder

NoMorals: oop

CaptainShaggy: so the tea is that we cnanot have a conversation without rayla threatening to kill me

CaptainShaggy: you know what else has to happen at least once in every convo

PrimalPrince: soren no

CaptainShaggy: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVs-CQ8dF5c>

PrimalPrince: SOREN NO.

NoMorals: and it continues

PrimalPrince: im refusing to click on that but im 99% sure i know what fresh hell it is

CaptainShaggy: :)

WalmartBatman: youd be correct cally

WalmartBatman: assuming you think its some disgusting remix of megalovania

PrimalPrince: GOD DAMMIT

CaptainShaggy: :)))

PrimalPrince: thats it im out

PrimalPrince: fuck this shit

_PrimalPrince has left the chat._

WalmartBatman: wow you killed my boyfriend.

NoMorals: ASDFDHGJH HE ACTUALLY LEFT

CaptainShaggy: :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weewoo I already addressed my username change in another fic of mine its fine
> 
> Come say hi to me on Tumblr! Ask me stuff about my fics!  
> TUMBLR: https://symphoenae.tumblr.com/


	16. black market

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NoMorals: rayla can you steal my ovaries
> 
> WalmartBatman: no
> 
> NoMorals: i dont want them
> 
> WalmartBatman: i dont either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite having deleted my public discord server I still have a private groupchat of people I still trust to be friends with and you;ll be happy to know it's pretty much the same people that generated most of the pgc content before the purge
> 
> Everyone give thanks to Jojo, Lobby, Sam, Matt, Sab, Madi, and I for talking about this cursed shit

NoMorals: rayla can you steal my ovaries

WalmartBatman: no

NoMorals: i dont want them

WalmartBatman: i dont either.

WalmartBatman: what would i even do with them

NoMorals: do you not know how much ovaries are on the bm

NoMorals: smh

NoMorals: 

NoMorals: bitch i can sell my WOMB FOR 150K

PrimalPrince: i might buy

PrimalPrince: are you a good breeder clauds

CaptainShaggy: o boy time to farm my blood

NoMorals: i mean idk

NoMorals: i rather sell my eggs

NoMorals: god knows ill never use them

CaptainShaggy: oh god i wanna eat bone marrow now

WalmartBatman: wtf.

NoMorals: you can have my ovaries final offer

PrimalPrince: uh

NoMorals: BRAIN JUICE

PrimalPrince: see i was just going along with it for fun but now im concerned

CaptainShaggy: its discourse day

CaptainShaggy: okay so chicken pot pie is a type of cake.

PrimalPrince: fucking.

NoMorals: my brain juice is leaking because of that comment

PrimalPrince: please explain.

CaptainShaggy: explain?

PrimalPrince: explain to me why you think, like an idiot, chicken pot pie is a cake.

CaptainShaggy: well

CaptainShaggy: how to i explain why the earth is round

PrimalPrince: THATS NOT WHAT IM ASKING FOR.

CaptainShaggy: explain to me why you think chicken pot pie isnt a cake then

PrimalPrince: FIRST OF ALL ITS CALLED A PIE

PrimalPrince: SECONDLY WHAT FUCKING CAKE HAVE YOU EVER HAD THAT HAD CHICKEN ON IT.

CaptainShaggy: russian wedding cake

PrimalPrince: fuck. you

NoMorals: pies are burritos

NoMorals: also cake are calzones now so decrees me

WalmartBatman: meatballs are a fruit

PrimalPrince: god dammit ray dont join them

CaptainShaggy: can we talk about how rayla gives off fae vibes

WalmartBatman: excuse me

NoMorals: wait but I was gonna talk about microwaved pancakes

PrimalPrince: BITCH

NoMorals: did I stutter

WalmartBatman: wait no lets go back to talking about me

NoMorals: ASDFDGFHG

NoMorals: OK HUMBLE

NoMorals: HUMBLE BASS BOOSTED

WalmartBatman: i am humble excuse you

WalmartBatman: have you ever seen me love myself

NoMorals: I-

WalmartBatman: but I want to know why i give off fae vibes.

CaptainShaggy: you have fae vibes because talking to you feels like you're either gonna reveal the secrets of the universe or steal my prostate

PrimalPrince: jesus christ

WalmartBatman: why would i want your prostate.

WalmartBatman: kidneys are clearly more valuable on the black market

PrimalPrince: this is really worse than the time you motherfuckers were talking about beer made of puss.

CaptainShaggy: ch

CaptainShaggy: cheesecake :)

PrimalPrince: NO.

WalmartBatman: god dammit soren cheesecake is one of the only human foods i like

WalmartBatman: dont ruin it for me ill have nothing left

NoMorals: puss beer... i forgot about that one ngl

PrimalPrince: its gonna take me a goddamn month to forget it again.

PrimalPrince: i want to die.

NoMorals: if you want to die gimme your address and i will come and cough directly on your eyeballs

PrimalPrince: you literally live across the street from me.

WalmartBatman: we are not killing my boyfriend with coronavirus.

NoMorals: imagine all populations getting clapped by a stupid virus when we have literal magic

PrimalPrince: lmao as soon as it comes here we really gonna be out of toilet paper

CaptainShaggy: p r i o r i t i e s

NoMorals: omg pls guys can we all get stuck in quarantine together

WalmartBatman: that sounds like a disaster

PrimalPrince: soren would drive me insane blasting megalovania outside of whatever room i would be sleeping in.

WalmartBatman: yeah claudia you forget that we have families and that you would not have enough space in any of our houses for that many people

NoMorals: fuck the families

NoMorals: teens only fools

PrimalPrince: ez, crying in the corner

NoMorals: AND EZRAN

CaptainShaggy: we all just bunker down in the storm spire lol

WalmartBatman: sighs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was only a matter of time before i mentioned corona
> 
> Come say hi to me on Tumblr! Ask me stuff about my fics!  
> TUMBLR: https://symphoenae.tumblr.com/


	17. guess whos back, back again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NoMorals: i fear i have become the stereotypical female
> 
> PrimalPrince: what are you, a white knight who the fuck talks like that
> 
> NoMorals: shut the fuck up white knight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ig as far as birthdays go this year wasnt that bad, quarantine made it that I could age in peace without too much attention to the fact I had to be born-- ADSSFDGFH look i have my reasons for hating my birthday okay  
> I am now the ancient age of 19
> 
> anyways SOS chapter 12 should be the next thing I post unless im a liar which I usually end up being

NoMorals: i fear i have become the stereotypical female

PrimalPrince: what are you, a white knight who the fuck talks like that

NoMorals: shut the fuck up white knight

NoMorals: anyway

NoMorals: I just took a nice hot shower and then immediately ran across my house to go chew on an ice cube

WalmartBatman: oh my god

CaptainShaggy: she wasn't wearing a towel.

PrimalPrince: CLAUDS WHAT THE FUCK

NoMorals: FULL DISCLOSURE I THOUGHT I WAS HOME ALONE

NoMorals: UNAWARE THAT SOREN WAS HOME

CaptainShaggy: i wish i was dead

WalmartBatman: cally would've loved to be in your position about a year ago soren

PrimalPrince: OKAY.

NoMorals: ASDFDGFHGJHKJH

PrimalPrince: O K A Y.

PrimalPrince: god forbid I have had feelings in the past god

PrimalPrince: WAIT THAT MAKES IT SOUND LIKE IM AGREEING FUCK

WalmartBatman: interesting

PrimalPrince: im deleting my existence

_CaptainShaggy has renamed themselves to HimboInjection_

PrimalPrince: WHAT THE FUCK AT ALL

WalmartBatman: wow I forgot we could change our own nicknames ive been tired of this one for so long

_WalmartBatman has renamed themselves to CallumsBitch_

PrimalPrince: WOAH OKAY BACK UP FOR A SECOND

PrimalPrince: this is very out there are we sure about this

CallumsBitch: i have never been more sure in my life sir

_PrimalPrince has renamed themselves to ElfSimp_

ElfSimp: well i guess i have to join the bandwagon here

HimboInjection: amazing. callum admits to his own incelness

ElfSimp: shut the fuck up himbo

CallumsBitch: matching couple goals

NoMorals: uh

NoMorals: shit

_NoMorals has renamed themselves to JojoSiwa_

ElfSimp: explain.

JojoSiwa: closeted lesbian

ElfSimp: SO YOU ADMIT TO BEING A GAY

JojoSiwa: see i could be honest and say no but you wouldnt fucking listen to me anyways i did this for the joke

HimboInjection: claudia still doesnt fucking have clothes on!!!!

JojoSiwa: JUST FUCKING STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN THEN SOREN

JojoSiwa: IM TRYING TO EAT MY FUCKING ICE CUBE

ElfSimp: what a disaster

HimboInjection: JUST FUCKING DRESS YOURSELF YOU COOCHIE CRUSADER MAGNET

CallumsBitch: real ice eater memes

JojoSiwa: omg wait do elves do the ice eating thing too

ElfSimp: i can see the appeal

ElfSimp: i agree with the fact that different types of ice hit different

CallumsBitch: she wasnt talking to u white knight step aside

ElfSimp: sighs

CallumsBitch: anyways basically same to what cally said but also water can taste different too

JojoSiwa: ughhhhh yes

HimboInjection: these girls man

HimboInjection: cal do you think we could've done better in terms of friends

ElfSimp: probably

ElfSimp: good thing ray isnt just a friend

CallumsBitch: i was genuinely about to get mad at you if you hadnt said that last part

ElfSimp: Asxdfgv love u too

JojoSiwa: absolutely fucking disgusting i love it

ElfSimp: our relationship is not your kink maam

JojoSiwa: I NEVER SAID IT WAS-

HimboInjection: callum do you wanna come over and watch me play twilight princess

ElfSimp: not until your whack sister puts her clothes on

JojoSiwa: fuck you im going to raylas

CallumsBitch: wow i wasnt aware i invited you

CallumsBitch: you have to put clothes on if you wanna approach my house you fucker

JojoSiwa: for u

JojoSiwa: i will

JojoSiwa: <3

CallumsBitch: thats gay

HimboInjection: calluuuuum come hereeeeeee zelda time

ElfSimp: furry twink fairy/elf gets riden by curvy imp brat

HimboInjection: never fucking describe twilight princess like that ever again

CallumsBitch: huh i was interested in the game for 2 seconds and now im no longer interested

ElfSimp: AASDSDFDGFGHH

HimboInjection: sigh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I simp for pointy-eared dumbasses
> 
> Anyways follow me on social media, I use the exact same username for Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, etc... etc....... follow me I shitpost on Twitter while I post my arts on Instagram so if you could follow me on insta specifically that'd be great thanks
> 
> my arts aren't the typical digital art stuff I see dominating the insta artists metagame weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


	18. why is this back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JojoSiwa: MOTHERFUCKER
> 
> JojoSiwa: THE POWER WENT OUT
> 
> JojoSiwa: ITS 11PM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello this one is short but so are most of my conversations these days so oh well

JojoSiwa: MOTHERFUCKER

JojoSiwa: THE POWER WENT OUT

JojoSiwa: ITS 11PM

CallumsBitch: thats me sneaking in

JojoSiwa: rayla no

CallumsBitch: knock knock :)

ElfSimp: rayla no put down the knife

JojoSiwa: bitch dont im scared-

CallumsBitch: WHEN THE FUCK DID I SAY THAT MY INTENT WAS MURDER

ElfSimp: srdtghfyrgtuyh

CallumsBitch: I just wanna rob ur fridge dude

JojoSiwa: rayla we own like 2 mangos

CallumsBitch: im here for ur shredded cheese

JojoSiwa: did you not fucking hear me we dont have that here

HimboInjection: we really do only own 2 mangos

CallumsBitch: do you guys just not know what grocery shopping is

JojoSiwa: ITS SORENS FUCKING TURN TO DO IT AND HE HASNT

HimboInjection: shut the fuck up you owe me one after i had to see you waltz around the house naked

JojoSiwa: I THOUGHT I WAS FUCKING HOME ALONE HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS

ElfSimp: sounds like an excuse

JojoSiwa: callum that better be directed at soren or youre getting hexed

ElfSimp: no comment

JojoSiwa: BITCH

CallumsBitch: you two really just are brainless huh

CallumsBitch: what kind of pitiful pride is this

CallumsBitch: that youd rather starve than give up the turn system for 2 seconds

HimboInjection: its the principle

JojoSiwa: powers back pog

ElfSimp: Im telling dad in a fat second if you two dont settle on someone doing the fucking grocery shopping

ElfSimp: dont make him come over there

HimboInjection: you act like Harrow is the one that scares me

HimboInjection: your dad couldnt hurt a fly

ElfSimp: you wanna bet...

JojoSiwa: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

JojoSiwa: THE POWER WENT OUT AGAIN

CallumsBitch: scuttles across your floor

ElfSimp: omfg

JojoSiwa: rayla stop

ElfSimp: this is what happens when you dont do the fucking groceries

JojoSiwa: CALLUM ITS FUCKING 11PM WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO MOST OF THE SHIT IS CLOSED RIGHT NOW

ElfSimp: yes

JojoSiwa: im gonna fucking strangle you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys my fic Song Of Silence is almost to 100k words are you proud of me for being able to write that much for one story  
> This has never happened to me before I always abandon multi-chapter fics at like chapter 2
> 
> anyways thanks to Art and Cherry for this short update because once again Im not clever enough to make this shit up on my own


	19. I Like Me Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HimboInjection: THE SITE IS EXPERIENCING MULTIPLE KETER AND EUCLID
> 
> ElfSimp: you odnt even know what half of those words mean
> 
> HimboInjection: neither do you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> glad that my private DM friends still like me- they brought me back from my suffocating a little bit. I'll be fine, these types of things happen all the time. Get yourself a group that you can talk to no matter what. It's rare that I don't feel ashamed or guilty for being me around people. I love that group with all my heart <3 Here's a chapter based on a conversation we had about an hour ago. Omitting the more private parts, ofc.
> 
> Hopefully its still entertaining

HimboInjection:  [ Bad ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAXe1a66zhU)

ElfSimp: WHAT THE FUFDGFHGJ

HimboInjection: HAHAHAHA

HimboInjection: god I missed messing with you using horrible videos

JojoSiwa: oh that video is neat

ElfSimp: ugh you would like it

JojoSiwa: whats that supposed to mean

ElfSimp: you heard me

CallumsBitch: what the actual fuck is that video

CallumsBitch: I already have a fear of water now youve made me fear fucking umbrellas

ElfSimp: watching that video took 10 years off my lifespan

HimboInjection: THE SITE IS EXPERIENCING MULTIPLE KETER AND EUCLID

ElfSimp: you odnt even know what half of those words mean

HimboInjection: neither do you.

JojoSiwa: wrecked

ElfSimp: no one even fucking says that anymore

JojoSiwa: understandable have a nice day

ElfSimp: oh i have to go write angst now

JojoSiwa: WORM? I do that too

ElfSimp: I

ElfSimp: its for an assignment

JojoSiwa: oh

JojoSiwa: well i do it for fun

ElfSimp: my teacher wants something written with each of the beginning paragraphs starting with a letter in the alphabet done i order

ElfSimp: so i decided on angst for A

JojoSiwa: A for ANgst

B for Bad End

C for Catastrophe

ElfSimp: claudia what the fuck are you doing

JojoSiwa: D for Death

E for Extreme Depression

F for Fighting

The alphabet of negativity LMAO

ElfSimp: oh good lord.

HimboInjection: I wanna know the rest of the letters keep going

ElfSimp: why would you encourage her

HimboInjection: :)

JojoSiwa: G for Goodbyes

H for Hurt No Comfort

I for Immeasurable Pain

ElfSimp: “hurt no comfort” ok claudia writes fanfictions

JojoSiwa: shut the fuck up you clearly do too if you know what that means

ElfSimp: I

ElfSimp: okay i dont write them but i

HimboInjection: callum deadass reads fanfics lmao

ElfSimp: shut the fuck up they write well

CallumsBitch: you guys havent seen callum’s search history

JojoSiwa: IM SCARED OF WHAT THAT MEANS

ElfSimp: rayla why.

CallumsBitch: chill its nothing naughty

CallumsBitch: literally its the most innocent shit ever

CallumsBitch: dumb boy looks up shit like cuddling and hugs

ElfSimp: im going to go die now

CallumsBitch: callum doesnt have the capacity to genuinely read anything that isnt fluff

HimboInjection: the day callum reads smut is the day the world ends

CallumsBitch: im a child of god you shithead

CallumsBitch: I know you and claudia were bastards reading smut when you were still my age

JojoSiwa: our choices, your choices

JojoSiwa: i aint gonna pretend to be a sinless child of god

ElfSimp: you literally never were anyways

JojoSiwa: RUDE.

CallumsBitch: hes not wrong

JojoSiwa: i hate all of you im continuing my angst alphabet

JojoSiwa: J for Jokes gone too far

K for Killing

L for Love Unrequited

M for Murder

N for No second chances

O for Ow bitch my heart

ElfSimp: thats not a

ElfSimp: okay whatever

JojoSiwa: look its hard to think of a generally negative word for each letter go away

CallumsBitch: angst makes me feel alive

CallumsBitch: is that weird

JojoSiwa: not at all!

JojoSiwa: I get what youre saying i think

JojoSiwa: im a sucker for any piece of writing that can actually genuinely make me feel. Make my heart twist in actual pain. Thats good writing if it can do that. I love it

HimboInjection: imagine clauds simping for angst fanfics

JojoSiwa: shut the hell up

HimboInjection: okay dr phil

ElfSimp: THERE ARE BETTER WAYS TO FEEL THINGS

ElfSimp: WHY WOULD YOU ACTIVELY CHOOSE TO FEEL HURT WHEN YOU COULD FEEL CUTENESS

JojoSiwa: youre too innocent to understand cal

CallumsBitch: im not explaining it.

ElfSimp: what the fuck

HimboInjection: masochism

JojoSiwa: ANYWAY

JojoSiwa: P for Pain

Q for Questionable choices lead to hurt

R for Ruined Relationship

S for S U F F E R I N G

T for T O R T U R E

ElfSimp: this bitch is really still going

HimboInjection: yep

CallumsBitch: i cant believe claudia is thinking about something for more than 5 minutes

JojoSiwa: i literally hate all of you

JojoSiwa: U for Understanding it cant be fixed

V for Very sad

W for Why did you lie to me

ElfSimp: lol good luck on x loser

CallumsBitch: oof x is a hard one though

CallumsBitch: if anyone can do it its claudia though

HimboInjection: sis almost has the whole alphabet we stan a queen

ElfSimp: good lord

JojoSiwa: X for xenophobia or some bullshit we don’t support

Y for You broke your promise

Z for Zero chances left

JojoSiwa: there u go

Alphabet of angst prompts

ElfSimp: half of those arent even prompts what

JojoSiwa: SHUT UP I DID IT

CallumsBitch: she did it

HimboInjection: SHE DID IT!!!!!

JojoSiwa: I AM THE FUCKING MESSIAH

ElfSimp: swear to god im the only sane one here

HimboInjection: god one of my discord servers is exploding with memes

ElfSimp: soren? Having a discord we dont know about?

CallumsBitch: bastardry

HimboInjection: i get a lot of my memes from that server

ElfSimp: servers suffocate me.

ElfSimp: so many people and yet so many of them arent there to be friends and it gets me down a lot

CallumsBitch: none of us have a lot of friends but its okay we have EACH OTHER

ElfSimp: i mean yeah

ElfSimp: maybe im overreacting

JojoSiwa: nononono!!! Thats understandable trust me

ElfSimp: Im v glad for you guys dont worry

CallumsBitch: yeah u better be!

HimboInjection: you would have to get a white hot branding iron down my throat to get me to leave you alone and even then its questionable

HimboInjection: you act like you can even get rid of me in the first place

ElfSimp: searches for branding irons

HimboInjection: I SAID IT WAS QUESTIONABLE NOW IM jUST GONNA BUG YOU FOREVER

ElfSimp: arguably a fate worse than having no friends

HimboInjection: wow i see how it is

CallumsBitch: srsly tho cal. Sweetheart.you are valid

ElfSimp: yeah

ElfSimp: at least i dont have to feel guilty about myself with you guys

ElfSimp: love yu

JojoSiwa: so the rest of us are planning a crusade to kill those people shaming you, you cant have a say in this

ElfSimp: what the fuck no

ElfSimp: bitch do not

JojoSiwa: too late its already beginning

CallumsBitch: ^

HimboInjection: ^

ElfSimp: christ.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 Matt, Lobby, Jojo, and Sam <3 unsure why they put up with me but everyone thank them for this chapter
> 
> You could probably tell I was projecting a bit onto Callum, sorry to be a debby downer with this fic. It's supposed to be funny and all. I'll try to update SOS soon, and I'm kinda working on a different AU oneshot about something I've been using as a weird coping mechanism for months now. It's all strange stuff.
> 
> Anyways, Im gonna go back to simping for Skeppy and BadBoyHalo, see you whenever the fuck i update this hellshite next


End file.
